Ping Pong Bitches : Ping Pong Bitches

Multinational force for synthesized shoutiness gets journalist excited

Errr, what’s this? Oh, right. These are three sultry young electro-vixens from Edinburgh via Hong Kong who dress like the lady Nazis from[I] ‘Allo ‘Allo [/I]and whose music resembles Atari Teenage Riot bashing out ‘I Feel Love’ at an ’80s night in Osaka. They swing nun-chukas, sport leather corsets and tangled fishnets and their debut five-track frottage of electro-punka power pop rams a sharpened, blood red stiletto heel into Starsailor’s groins. HARD.

Oof. Let’s clear one thing up: Ping Pong Bitches are NOT IN ANY WAY SEXY. AT ALL. Unless, that is, you’re aroused by having 2,000 volts blasted through your nipples while Leftfield march up and down your spine in spiked hobnail boots and the Jesus And Mary Chain’s ‘Psychocandy’ explodes in your stomach. Alright then, they’re a little bit sexy, but only in the way they marry the bondage nostalgia chic of The Slits and Siouxsie with Digital Hardcore death-disco on

‘I Love You Necrophiliac’ and ‘Dynamite’. And the way ‘Rock Action’ and ‘Beat You Up’ replicate the sound of Primal Scream

being Orgasmatroned to death during [I]Tron[/I]. And the way they’ll make I Am Kloot’s balls shrink to the size of raisins. Just don’t mention Fuzzbox, if you value

your genitals.

Mark Beaumont