Cyclefly : Crave

Irish band's nu-metal abomination...

Listen. The sound is getting louder every day. The sound is of middle-aged men in shiny tracksuits, huffing and puffing their way to [a]Linkin Park[/a] concerts, skateboarding competitions and nu-metal discos. Ruddy of face and with pound signs in their beady eyes, these men carry notebooks and take down the logos which all the kids have written on their T-shirts. Then they write down all the choruses being sung by the bands onstage. Rustle rustle, huff puff, scribble scribble.

Once home from spying on the kids and stealing their ideas, they take the slogans and lyrics they’ve stolen and sell them back to the kids through mobile phone ringtones, adverts for breakfast cereal, acne cures and soundtracks to shitty movies. Worst of all, some of the men give useless bands who’ve jumped on the nu-metal bandwagon major label record deals. Rustle rustle, huff puff, scribble scribble, KERCHING!

It’s sooooo easy to swindle spoilt, affluent, lightweight nu-metal kids. The sort of kid who thinks that the epitome of rebellion is wearing a beanie hat with flames down the side and who will give up thinking that People=Shit the day he or she finishes university and has to go and work in a bank. Wankers.

Being a turgid, tuneless, completely crass piece of mix and match nu-metal which masquerades as ‘Ireland’s answer to [a]Incubus[/a]!’,

[a]Cyclefly[/a]’s new album is perfect for kids like that. It’s just what they deserve. The riffs are all fourth-hand [a]Deftones[/a]/[a]Jane’s Addiction[/a], the song structures and ‘ideas’ are basic beyond belief. The vocals, by crimson-mohicaned singer Declan O’Shea, are whiny and useless, as if Graham Norton fronted a metal band.

How can you trust a man who sings horseshit like: “It’s five o’ clock and I’m staring through a figure on a razorblade/It’s time to stop when the clock has you tripping through the everglades”. Answer: You don’t. One of the reasons that people are ‘highly anticipating’ this album is because [a]Linkin Park[/a] singer Chester Bennington is featured on track two, ‘Karma Killer’. The only time you can actually hear Bennington’s voice is in the middle eight section, and it lasts for three seconds. The lyric? “My eyes are weary”.

Not exactly a big contribution from Chester then, but do you think that’ll stop the record company putting a big sticker on

the front of the CD saying ‘Featuring CHESTER BENNINGTON of [a]Linkin Park[/a]’? Of course it isn’t. You’re being ripped off.

Andy Capper