October 3, 1998

All Saints - The Remixes

You're allowed to like All Saints. No really, it's alright, we don't mind....

5 / 10 YOU'RE ALLOWED TO LIKE ALL Saints. No really, it's alright, we don't mind. No-one's got a problem with pop music, have they? That would make you some kind of scumbag, or, er, a racist and a real square or something. Besides, All Saints don't suffer from such vulgar properties as charisma, like those awful Spice Girls, and they don't do anything too upbeat or distastefully disco.

It's quite a trick All Saints have pulled off to retain a certain credibility among bores while still selling millions to pre-teens. And this is the obligatory next step. Because you ain't nobody in this game until you've paid someone a ludicrous fee to fanny about with your tunes and make them vaguely unlistenable.

And so it is with a crushing inevitability that most of these mixes suffer from the perennial problem of not standing up in their own right. The first half is fleetingly acceptable: 'Never Ever''s all-star remix has a certain G-funk vibe to it and, likewise, Krazee Alley's remix of 'Bootie Call' adds a sleazy hip-hop vibe to proceedings. Rappers on a wage do more impressive duties on the Ignorants' remix of 'Under The Bridge', the only track here that's better than the original, thanks to a classy piano motif and Jean Paul e.s.q's languid rap.

Alas, the second half of this record appears to consist of a glorified version of someone playing about with the rhythms on their Bontempi keyboard. Only instead of bossa nova and swing, they randomly hit the buttons marked 'House', 'R&B', 'Swingbeat' and 'Jive Bunny And The Mastermixers'. Arse.

Still, it'll get played in clubs by DJs keen to show that they appreciate 'quality' pop music. Can I go back to my Groop Dogdrill records now please?