Album Review: Cheryl Cole - Messy Little Raindrops (Polydor)

Unsurprisingly, we're not mad for Chezza's manufactured conveyor-belt-drivel

It took only a tonne of mascara, a slagheap of fake tan and a few teatime telly tears to make the docile British nation forget about that notorious nightclub attack. Sadly for the newly ex-Mrs Cole, musical life outside the slick pop factory that was Girls Aloud is bleak. Synthesizers that make La Roux sound organic and vocals so processed they might as well have been squeezed from a tube do nothing to hide the fact that ‘Promise This’ delivers little, ‘Raindrops’ is shrieked horror and stool ballad ‘The Flood’ is, well, a flood of stool. In a time when the likes of Janelle Monae are creating brilliant futuristic pop, it’s surely time to send Cole back to Newcastle.

Luke Turner

2 / 10

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