Kid Rock: Virginia Roanoke Civic Center

Kid Rock runs for President and gets the vote from a horde of gun-loving good ol' motherfuckers...

Kid Rock wishes he were president of the United States. As George W. Bush delivers a flaccid, ultra-conservative inaugural address in Washington D.C., Kid Rock simultaneously schemes his own reception party. The Roanoke Civic Center – located in the depths of Southern Virginia, less than four hours away from the nation’s Capitol – is hosting a gun show the same afternoon as Bush takes the presidential oath. Many of those attending the weaponry convention plan to stick around for the sold-out Kid Rock show that will take place a few hours later.

While Kid Rock’s faux redneck shtick, misogynist outlook, and reckless defiance surely outrages some, there is, in fact, a loyal following that swallows the act whole. Kid Rock calls Detroit Rock City home, but his rough-hewn, good ol’ boy persona endears him even greater to the working class south. The spectacle occurring this evening is ample proof.

With a gigantic American flag in background, Kid Rock – equipped with tinted shades, trademark black chapeau, and designer overcoat – magically appears on a raised platform. All hell breaks loose when the mostly male horde catches wind of the opening chords to ‘Cowboy’. Kid Rock’s show is a Hollywood theatrical on wheels – sports metal at its finest, complete with flamethrowers, confetti guns, and massive fireworks.

Within the course of the next two hours, Rock plows through a sing-a-long version of ‘Waisting Time’, a middle finger-inducing ‘3 Sheets to the Wind (What’s My Name)’, and an extended version of David Allan Coe’s ‘You Never Even Called Me By My Name’, accompanied by none other than the southern outlaw hero himself.

Amidst all the visual stimuli that pound the testosterone surplus audience,

it is, surprisingly, the quietest moment of the evening that serves as the

climax. Sitting in a chair, performing solo with only his guitar and voice, Kid Rock spits out well-selected lyrics during an impromptu ditty called ‘If I Was President’. In his acceptance speech/song, Kid Rock promises sex in the oval office, guns for everyone, and most importantly to give the working man back his money – all promises that this particular party wants to hear.

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