Atomic Kitten: London Astoria G-A-Y

Atomic Kitten are the A-Team of pop...

“Pop is dead!”, announced U2’s Bono, shortly before having his single roundly beaten to the Number One spot by a very pop thing indeed.

“Pop bit us on the arse!” was his withering response as the Kittens saw off rock, rap, and dance competition for four straight weeks. Not so much biting as kicking, punching, and flooring the arse, then standing atop it waving a large pink flag, shouting “Hoorah!”

Here at G-A-Y, pop will never die. It is, however, experiencing technical difficulties. The plan was good. To start the show, the three Kittens would abseil from the ceiling to the A-Team theme tune. That was the plan. But Liz chickens out and walks on, Tash misses her cue, sliding on to silence, and Jenny doesn’t appear for several minutes before plummeting with sickening speed and a shriek of understandable terror.

Since Kerry opted for life as a West-wife, Jenny has jumped into the Kitten’s basket with ease. She probably didn’t expect to face death quite so early in her career but her reaction is pure Kitten: “That was a fuck up!” she yells, and they launch into ‘Right Here’. Buoyant renditions of the other singles precede giant slayer ‘Whole Again’, which gets the G-A-Y crowd so loved-up that some of the men here even kiss EACH OTHER (bet they’ll be embarrassed in the morning!)

When Tabby, Ginger, and, er, Chesty Kitten (if anyone knows a breed of cat with blonde hair and big knockers, please write in) first burst onto the scene what set them apart was their unforced, girls together, gang mentality – an ingredient that, as Girl Thing sadly proved, CANNOT be manufactured. Atomic Kitten are a fine bunch of ‘arse biters’ by anyone standards. Long may they purr!

Timothy Mark

(Oh and why not visit Atomic Kitten’s official website?)