Selling 50million albums [B]Mr Loaf[/B]'s way: always strike a bombastic chord, show less subtlety than a motorway crash, and please, do understand a song isn't truly a song without an intro so tricks

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SELLING 50MILLION ALBUMS MR LOAF‘S way: always strike a bombastic chord, show less subtlety than a motorway crash, and please, do understand a song isn’t truly a song without an intro so tricksy and protracted that listeners fear they will die of old age before the vocals kick in. Then, with more drama than is strictly necessary, the vocals do kick in…

…And you can almost feel the spittle shooting through the speakers, as the wobbly behemoth even punk couldn’t kill bulldozes through 20 years of his blue-collar brand of camp, operatic prog rock (most the result of his on-off working relationship with songwriter [a]Jim Steinman[/a]). So on comes ‘Bat Out Of Hell’, ‘I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)’ and ‘You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth’. Oh, and the memorably titled ‘Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are’.

Needless to say, ivories are tinkled lavishly, guitars are manhandled forcefully, every song appears to come in 214 parts and – save for the mullet-topped, Shitesville mirth factor – almost all are entirely unbearable. Though 50million people apparently disagree.