Hear’say: London Astoria G.A.Y.

Flying boxer shorts and incompetent curtain operators mark the point where Hear'say become an actual pop group...

Hear’say’s transformation from TV stars to popstars could have happened at various points in the past month. The video shoot? That first ‘CD:UK’ moment? The appearance on the cover of intergalactic pop bible NME? Not quite: the point when they exist as a band in their own right occurs tonight, at the very last minute. And it happens for two reasons.


This is a five-song PA at G.A.Y. two days before the single (a cover of Girl Thing’s ‘Pure And Simple’) is released, in which that single is performed twice, a cover version your dad will like is wheeled out, a Cheiron-esque corker (‘Show Me The Way To Your Love’) is performed, and the release date is mentioned more times than is strictly necessary. It could have come from literally any pop band, rather than one on the verge of redefining the boundaries of pop itself through a TV show.


For the first time in their career, something actually goes wrong for Hear’say. Halfway through an introduction from denim-clad G.A.Y. guru Jeremy Joseph, the black curtain starts to rise. So Jeremy clears off – and the music starts. By this point another white curtain – with the band’s silhouettes beaming onto it from behind – is visible. Two bars into ‘Pure And Simple’, the black curtain comes down again. Music stops. Up it goes again. Show starts properly. Oh dear.

Still, it takes more than curtains going up and down like a Toploader single to throw Hear’say, and there are five main points to note from this evening:

1. Striking poses at the end of songs is the new smashing your guitar into an amp.

2. ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ really is quite dreadful.

3. Myleene’s cleavage has ‘done a Mumba’.

4. While H from Steps has a monkey on his T-shirt, Noel has a big hairy gorilla. Whether this translates in any other sense we may never know.

5. Noel and Danny shuffle around a bit like Sean from Five.

Unsurprisingly, the lovely doe-eyed etc etc Noel is the crowd’s favourite (at one point what appears to be a pair of boxer shorts, which Kym unwisely sniffs, are hurled onto the stage), and tonight’s appearance at a gay club won’t help snidey references in the media to Noel’s sexuality.

But does that matter when you’ve got a Number One single and your mum’s proud of you? Of course not.

Peter Robinson