Ikara Colt : London Metro Club

What more could you possibly want?...

Sexy art-school rock band Ikara Colt (9 months old) recently spat “All groups should be shot after five years.”

Sexy Pop Idol Judge and major label A&R man, Simon Cowell recently dismissed [a]Kylie Minogue[/a] as “a one trick pony”.

Like[a]Kylie Minogue[/a], Ikara Colt [I]are[/I] a one-trick pony. Like [a]Kylie Minogue[/a], the beauty, craft and subtlety is to be found IN the moronic, monotonous, intensity. [a]Kylie Minogue[/a]’s music disguises itself as soft-pornography. Ikara’s comes wrapped up as stripped-down, bleached-out, frantically minimalist art-punk. But it’s essentially the same trick.

If Simon were ever to meet Ikara Colt, he would scratch his head and shit his high-waisted peg-pants, because anyone who doesn’t understand that true pop genius is absolutely nothing to do with craft and everything to do with that elusive, reptile-brain stem stimulating buzz best defined as AAAAAAAAAAARGH!”, simply doesn’t understand pop. Full stop.

Mod hair, shit-suits, tightly knotted ties – the whole band twitching like a Rialtin addicted Tourettes-toddler. No, Simon wouldn’t understand. Because Ikara Colt are one of those bands that no proper record company would touch with another record company’s dick.

Dominic Young slashes non-stop machine gun vinegar-strokes out of his crumbling drum kit. Short-arse guitarist Claire Ingram sports a Profumo-scandal era blonde sex-wig. Sweat-drenched bassist John Ball (he will NOT take off his dead groovy, heavy woollen Oxfam shop dead-man’s suit jacket) is the world’s scruffiest mod.

Only vocalist Paul Resound has the cheekbones really needed by the Ikara Colt speed-mod aesthetic. He’s [a]Joy Division[/a]

‘s Ian Curtis without the self-pity and the sordid neo-nazi affectations. He spasms. We watch and go “coo!”. Songs like ‘Sink Venice’, ‘Video Clip Show’ and ‘One Note’ are all but indistinguishable from one another. There ain’t nothing going on but the AAAAAAAAARGH!”.

One chord, one look, one consistently vicious level of intensity, What more could you possibly want?

Steven Wells