It’s unclear who needs a cold shower more – us or him...
Oi! Son! You’ll catch a chill if you go out like that…
You have to wonder where Har Mar Superstar was the day God was handing out stage costumes. Perhaps he was standing behind Robbie Williams, mistakenly thinking he was in the queue for “looks” when actually it was the line for “novelty underpants”.
But as the generously-de-clothed female dancers (all sporting a fluffy ‘Har Mar’ logo on their tops) bring on a giant pair of keks and rub their hands up and down our hero’s torso, here is a man who has embraced what God has given him, and made the “unconventional” look his very own.
As ‘Ez Pass’ kicks in third song, the perspiration is as heavy in the crowd as it is on the stage. It’s half Pantomime, half showmanship, but so much greater than the sum of its parts. Trimmed down and de-‘tashed since his Ibiza exploits, Har Mar oozes sex appeal and the girls (out in force tonight – there are tables-full of them) are lapping it up.
“Give it up for me I’m fucking awesome,” he shouts on more than one occasion. And you know what – he’s right. It’s as if he’s stuck a firework up the arse of ‘You Can Feel Me’ and sent the man-raps-over-a-drum-machine-for-a-bit sound rocketing into the sky. Where we expected to see a joke visibly wearing thin up there on stage, instead Har Mar is a preening wonder. ‘Elephant Walk’ is a gyrating masterpiece. ‘Power Lunch’ is the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard. By the time the fantastic cover-version of Stevie Wonder’s ‘It Ain’t No Use’ ends as an encore (with – in different circumstances – a tear-jerkingly sensual voice) and the curtains (literally) close, it’s unclear who needs a cold shower more – us or him. But – judging by his snogging entourage of groupies at the after-show party – it’s probably him.