CKY : London Astoria

...totally awesome...

Dude, [a]CKY[/a] are totally awesome. Like, the drummer is fucking Bam Margera from ‘Jackass”s brother dude! How fucking totally killer is that? Stoked!

I heard that when [a]CKY[/a] go on tour, umm, Bam and the guys in the band have, like, the most fun out of any band on the road ever! All pulling pranks on each other and shit every day. Things like blocking up the toilet with beer bottles and puking on each other and making bongs out of items of [a]CKY[/a] merchandise which is, like, totally the best merchandise of any band that’s ever been (and did you know that [a]CKY[/a] stands for Camp Kill Yourself? And how fucking awesome a name is that?)

It’s weird though, cos despite [a]CKY[/a] being totally rad and, like the best ever band for skaters ever, their music is really totally shitty dude! It sounds less like a group with a huge fanbase and a massive record deal with Def Jam and more like a bunch of sweaty losers that would come last at a Battle Of The Bands competition in Torquay.

Take tonight’s show for example dude. Even though tickets sold out in less time than it would take Steve-O to chop his left nut off, their performance was so totally shaky and out of tune and off key and boring that it was almost like the band were playing some amazing ‘Jackass’ prank on the audience! Gnarly!

Like, the best bit of the prank was when the singer guy with the gross facial hair and rapist eyes totally blew up his own guitar amp (probably because his riffs are so heavy) and the band did this 20 minute jam session. Then the singer walked off stage looking TOTALLY BUMMED OUT. Dude.

Maybe he was just tired because earlier in the day [a]CKY[/a] played an awesome instore gig at Slam City Skates in Covent Garden and when they tried to leave the store to get to the venue they got mobbed like in that shitty movie about [a]Beatles[/a] called ‘A Hard Day In The Life’ or something. Dude, thousands of [a]CKY[/a] fans went fucking crazy and mobbed the band and spraypainted the totally fucking [a]CKY[/a] logo all over the walls of Covent Garden. Killer!

It was a shame that Bam Margera never got on stage like he normally does to like shout: ‘Let’s go fucking crazy! I just jerked off into my brother’s hamburger!’ or something equally as hilarious as that, but he was probably hanging out backstage getting blown by some bitches. Fucking righteous.

Anyways you fags, what I’m trying to say here is that a lot of totally boring ‘normal’ people who would never do anything as fun as setting their nuts on fire while skateboarding through a supermarket think that [a]CKY[/a] are totally the worst band ever and would never have any fans if their shit music didn’t get played on Jackass every week but they’re totally wrong dude. [a]CKY[/a] is fucking RAD!

Andy Capper