July 31, 2009

Album review: Sam Isaac - 'Bears'

Terrible beyond the capacity for rational reviewing

After listening to this record I woke up. My balls had completely vanished. Who do you blame for a loss like that? Isaac himself, most obviously, but ‘Bears’ is so devoid of personality it’s difficult to believe he actually exists. Sans bollock, I turned to Isaac’s Street Team and went native. The lap of my jeans was doused, I threw on a Weezer T-shirt, I didn’t shave and was snared immediately by the stench of stale Doritos wafting off a nearby heath. Starting towards it, there emerged from the dark a dancing, pissy-pantsed gaggle in whose fire lay – yes! – not just my balls but scores of charred gonads, roasting in the flames like woolly nuts. I turned and ran, castrato screams tearing through the night. I had become Sam Isaac.

Kev Kharas

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