True Step Tonight

Tonight, Matthew, Brian Harvey's going to be... Craig David...

Master magicians, your [a]True Steppers[/a]. Seemingly not content with turning that nice [a]Dane Bowers[/a] and Mrs Beckham into robo-voiced space warriors from the future on the utterly preposterous ‘Out Of Your Mind’, they emerge from their strictly underground headquarters intent on transforming not-much-missed E-17 drugs dwarf Brian Harvey into a credible two-step star.

Waving to his mum, his dad and anyone else who knows him, Little Brian appears from behind the Steppers‘Stars In Their Eyes’ curtain as, wait for it… Craig David! And it’s brilliant! [I]”It’s Friday night and we’ve all been paid/Six man deep in an Audi Coupe”[/I], he coos, blissfully unaware of just how stupid they’ll look when half of them have to get out each time they reach a speed bump.

Spilling out of the back is US R&B sensation Donell Jones, who’s been eyeing up the laydeeez at garage superclub Twice As Nice. [I]”Shall I make a move or get a brandy?”[/I] someone muses, as the [a]True Steppers[/a] drop the bass and a mobile phone goes off.

Honestly, you couldn’t ask for a much better pop record than this.

Andrew Wagstaff