Butler, Bernard : You must go on

...unmitigated let's-pretend-it's-1967 hippy-student retro-wank.

Cor! On the cover, Bernard ‘Geezer’ Butler (gurly hair,

moody stare, Alan Partridge-style ‘casual’ jacket and an eye-catching bulge in his titillatingly-tight pre-shrunk Levi’s) swaggers arrogantly down a marina jetty while a bikini-clad gurly-bird and a fat and ugly old bloke look on lustfully and murmur, “Coo! Look at the arse on THAT!” In the background, meanwhile, another gurly-bird is so overcome with that she has tossed herself off the jetty in frustration. And who can blame her?

Unfortunately the music contained within is unmitigated let’s-pretend-it’s-1967 hippy-student retro-wank. Shit, Geezer, what’s going on? You were good for a bit, remember? When you teamed up with that high-pitched disco chap with the amusing hair? I’d give him a ring and see if he’ll have you back.

Or, even better, stop poncing about, get yourself a denim waistcoat,

some tats and a tash and join a proper, balls-out, unreconstructed metal combo – like Kid Rock’s mob – where your undoubted mastery of the art of look-at-me cock-rock geetar-god noodlewankery will be properly appreciated. SORTED!

Steven Wells