...just when you're getting off onna funky "Caw! Caw! Strum!" tip this bloke you suspect has a massive beard starts whispering very loudly lines like, [I]"This bed is stained with sailors and lavender

Product Overview

Molasses : You'll Never Be Well

Product:

Molasses : You’ll Never Be Well

It’s a black CD. Inside a grey pouch. Inside a black folder. Inside a black sleeve. Inside a black envelope. And it goes something like this:

Seagulls: Caw! Caw!

Acoustic guitar: Strum!

Seagulls: Caw! Caw!

Acoustic guitar: Strum!

Seagulls: Caw! Caw!

Acoustic guitar: Strum!

And then, just when you’re getting off onna funky “Caw! Caw! Strum!” tip this bloke you suspect has a massive beard starts whispering very loudly lines like, [I]”This bed is stained with sailors and lavender”[/I].

And then the horns start blasting and the joint starts jumping and the [a]Napalm Death[/a]-style blast beats come crashing in and the bloke starts rapping in this sort of [a]Bjork[/a] meets Kid Rock Dalek voice about all the ho’s he’s dissed, the cars he’s crashed, the hotel rooms he’s trashed, the Jack Daniel’s he’s sunk, the punks he’s slapped

and – bugger me – the whole

thing ends in a skull-splitting cacophony as what appears to be a large crate of psychotic kookaburras, an entire orchestra plus what must be at least a 1,000-strong male voice choir singing in Cork-accented Gaelic come crashing through the studio roof mere seconds before a hydrogen bomb explodes killing the whole lot of them.

Oh, sorry, I fell asleep. Everything after the stuff about sailors and lavender was just me dreaming about something vaguely fucking interesting. Sorry.

Steven Wells