like Nirvana if they'd carried on performing after Kurt blew his brains out.

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Slipknot : Left Behind

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Slipknot : Left Behind

Quick, someone invent a sickeningly ultra-violent gore-fest of a shoot-’em-up-the-ass video game for this to be the soundtrack to. It slips and slides in a veritable sea of eviscerated intestines. It stammers, spasms and shits itself and then it splatters the spinal columns of hard-bodied jock-zombies all over the fucking walls of that gym in Britney’s ‘Baby One More Time’ vid. With gusto. And pump-action shotguns.

We send the Yanks our endless legions of sensitive songsmiths with their oh so clever wordplay. They feed us back a bunch of mono-dimensional and ugly-as-shit grunting Neanderthal fuck-mutts in B-movie horror masks and prison dungarees who live by the slogan “HUMANS=SCUM”. They win!

Slipknot

are as angry as a goose with a pepper up its ass and as alienated as an alien working in a sneaker factory in some Third World shithole for $1 a month plus all the rat pie and mouldy rice it can scoff in the 15-second lunch break. YUMMO! And, if that wasn’t enough, they’re also as dumb as a rat’s cock.

Come on, get real. The likes of The Strokes are OK, but let’s face facts – Slipknot

kill, eat and shit out their cute retro-remains [I]before[/I] breakfast. They are the perfect American rock band. They’re like Nirvana if they’d carried on performing after Kurt blew his brains out. Uh, hang on, did they really just sing [I]”Your thalidomide robot face”[/I]? That’s not very nice, is it?

Steven Wells