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Don’t be fooled by Tory chill-wave: they’ve got nothing else to say

There’s a scene in Clockwork Orange where head droog Alex DeLarge has his eyelids peeled back with metal tongs, and while strapped onto a cinema chair, he’s forced to go through aversion therapy. A continuous reel plays as he’s pumped full of anxiety-inducing drugs; the scientists at the Ludovico facility hope that by sheer bombardment, they can rewire his brain. This is roughly how watching the Conservatives’ latest shit-posting stunt – ‘lo fi boriswave beats to relax/get brexit done to’ – made me feel. “We’ve gotta get Brexit done… done… done” intones Boris Johnson plummily atop lift-jazz. It’s like being hypnotised by a highly bigoted walrus. 

It didn’t seem like things could get more tragic than last month’s ‘Tory Techno’ debacle. And yet, here we are, with this devil-spawn chillwave. It’s an offering more transparent than a bundle of empty promises wrapped up in clingfilm; as sophisticated a diversion tactic as pointing out of the cartoonish train window and yelling “look, a dinosaur”. Purposefully shit, and created for people to poke fun at, the Conservatives prefer to keep people laughing at their out of touch memes. 

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It’s a flailing distraction from reality, engineered to divert attention away from an uninspiring and Brexit-fixated manifesto, nine years of brutal austerity, and a leader who lies like it’s going out of fashion. Aside from replacing a small portion of resources that were previously cut under brutal Tory austerity, Johnston’s party has nothing to offer. Instead, they’re wasting their time on creating the worst memes in existence, in the hope that we’ll all be too busy bitching about it to care.

And so, enough about the bloody video. ‘Get Brexit done’ is the only catchphrase Boris Johnson has got up his sleeve, and he knows it. Far from being ‘chill’ his time in power has actually resembled a duck frantically paddling beneath the surface.

So instead, here’s a reminder to register to vote before midnight tonight, if you haven’t already.

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