RIP Glastonbury Festival, long live The Variety Bazaar? For a solid hour, panic stations were ablaze with fears that the world’s most beloved festival was going to be given a new, very unfamiliar name.
Founder Michael Eavis seemed to reveal the change in an interview with Paul Cannon from Glastonbury FM. “I’ve been a risk taker all my life. In 47 years of taking risks, so far touch wood, I haven’t come unstuck. This might be one risk too far, I don’t know,” he said. Surely this couldn’t be.
Thankfully, Emily Eavis came to the rescue, quickly denouncing the change and instead clarifying that The Variety Bazaar would be a completely different event. Glastonbury would always be Glastonbury, remaining in its home of Worthy Farm. Phew.
Needless to say, in the time between Michael’s claim and Emily’s reassuring words, fans were getting in a tizz about the most sacred of festivals being handed a rebrand. Given this is the internet, where the slightest of app redesigns can elicit infinite rage, it was no surprise to see the potential moniker getting off to a shaky start…
It didn’t exactly roll off the tongue
It’ll always be referred to as Glastonbury, even if Eavis decides to call it “Michael’s Massive Sesh”. But this new name wasn’t going to be welcomed with open arms or chanted from mud-stained tents.
The Variety Bazaar, sounds cack that.
— Vish Rana (@VishRana_) January 17, 2017
So…The Variety Bazaar?? Catchy! ?
— ilona (@Ilona_Reynolds) January 17, 2017
Variety Bazaar? pic.twitter.com/f1nTU0iLYS
— dirk (@pugjoke) January 17, 2017
Haters saw it as less of a festival name, more a boutique shop, or something completely different
Is it an artisan bakery in Dulwich? A travelling circus? No, it’s the best festival in the world!
"The Variety Bazaar" sounds like one of those twee craft shops that sells overpriced tat to middle-class people with money to burn. Apt.
— AJ⚡️HL (@kaosimian) January 17, 2017
'The Variety Bazaar' sounds like a market where you choose from a performing dog, a plate spinner, a one man band or a magician.
— James (@archivesofjames) January 17, 2017
Many were quick to claim Eavis was just having a laugh
The ultimate troll? Or did he just get his words mixed up on live radio?
He's completely lost the plot. This will be a disaster.
— Tom Naysmith (@tanaysmith) January 17, 2017
Michael Eavis is trolling us by saying that he's renaming Glastonbury to The Variety Bazaar, right?
— Jonathan Dean (@JonathanDean_) January 17, 2017
Lol Glastonbury's new name is shite
— twitch (@preeeecey) January 17, 2017
Thankfully, this isn’t the end of Glastonbury as we know it.
Cue a huge sigh of relief.
Don't panic, Glastonbury isn't being cancelled and Variety Bazaar is going to be a separate event, WE GOOD https://t.co/nRJdenEphT
— // Tara // (@immabeahippo) January 17, 2017
@GlastoFest I think that's the right move, the festival is the place not just a name
— Blair (@blairkpercival) January 17, 2017
— Tim Rugg (@truggy100) January 17, 2017