Glastonbury 2016’s line up is typically brilliant. It’s gigantic, and just about covers every genre of music imaginable with new bands, cult acts and established artists all in the mix. The only problem? They all seem to be on at the same bloody time. Argh.
You might have a few must-see names highlighted on your Clashfinder, but there’s a whole load of infuriating clashes that will force you to make a heart-wrenching decision. We dissect the most difficult and put forward a case for why you should pick either of the conflicting acts. Let’s do this…
Blossoms vs Declan McKenna
When: Other Stage, 12:30 – 13:20 / The Park, 12:00 – 12:45
Why Blossoms: You might end up watching them because you’re too lazy to move after James’ opening set on the stage, but they’re more than worth your attention. The bouncing ‘Charlemagne’ in particular should satisfy existing fans and win a whole new horde them.
Why Declan: Last year the 17-year-old bagged himself a Glasto slot by winning the Emerging Talent Competition, but this year Declan’s back off his own back with new tunes, a backing band but the same boyish charm that won over the judges (including Michael Eavis) last year.
Christine & The Queens vs Skepta
When: Other Stage, 13:40 – 14:30 / Pyramid Stage, 13:45 – 14:30
Why Christine: Christine’s debut ‘Chaleur Humaine’ is an electro-pop stunner – perfect for opening day shenanigans.
Why Skepta: A main stage slot at the nation’s biggest festival? Yeah, this is the moment Skepta solidifies his claim as the UK’s biggest rapper and thrusts grime into the much-deserved spotlight.
Two Door Cinema Club vs Unknown Mortal Orchestra
When: Pyramid Stage, 15:00 – 16:00 / The Park, 15:30 – 16:30
Why Two Door: Indie pop at its most accessible. They’ve started playing new tunes in their sets, but their show will no doubt peak with 2010 anthem ‘I Can Talk’.
Why UMO: New track ‘First World Problems’ takes a healthy dollop of funky inspiration from the late Prince, but their live performances are still jam packed with both chunky guitar riffs and the occasional psychedelic freakout.
Foals vs Bastille
When: Pyramid Stage, 20:00-21:15 / Other Stage, 20:40 – 21:45
Why Foals: Throbbing mosh pits in the Pyramid field? Not something you see often, so if you’re into that frontman Yannis is the man to give you your fix.
Why Bastille: The band look set to announce a date for their new album any day now and they’ve developed a habit of premiering new songs in their live set. If you want the first taste of the likely brilliant new material, you can’t afford to miss them.
Stormzy vs Savages
When: Wow, 21:30 – 22:30 / The Park, 21:30 – 22:30
Why Stormzy: It’s currently to be his only scheduled set of the weekend and judging by his rising popularity, it’s gonna be packed. You don’t want to say you missed it, surely?
Why Savages: Led by Jehnny Beth, the post-punk quartet offer up a blend of brooding vocals and crunching guitars and will do so expertly as darkness approaches on Worthy Farm. We’re intrigued.
Wolf Alice vs Låpsley
When: Pyramid Stage, 15:00 – 16:00 / John Peel Stage, 15:10 – 16:10
Why Wolf Alice: They’re on a victory lap of the UK’s festivals after a mammoth year and what better way to crown the year off with a gigantic set on the Pyramid?
Why Låpsley: Her debut album ‘Long Way Home’ is a soul-driven wonder and intimate showings like this could soon be a thing of the past if she continues to give masterful festival performances.
Snakehips vs MØ
When: Sonic, 17:00 – 18:00 / John Peel, 16:40 – 17:30
Why Snakehips: ‘All My Friends’ is a certified festival-ready banger and the follow-up to that single, ‘Money On Me’ was pretty damn special, too. Not to be missed.
Why MØ: She might be better known for her appearance on Major Lazer’s ‘Lean On’, but she’s more than proved her credentials with her own single ‘Kamikaze’. Scandinavian pop at its finest.
The 1975 vs Idris Elba
When: Other Stage, 19:15 – 20:15 / Sonic, 19:45 – 21:15
Why 1975: They’re destined for arenas only two albums in, and they’ve also managed to translate their eye-popping live show into a sure fire festival treat. Who knows, it could be a Pyramid headline slot next. Catch them in more ‘intimate’ settings this year before it’s too late.
Why Idris: When he’s not denying James Bond rumours, DJ Driis spins a collection of mainstream house, garage and everything in between. Party vibes all round.
James Blake vs M83
When: West Holts, 22:15 – 23:45 / John Peel Stage, 22:30 – 23:45
Why James Blake: ‘The Colour In Anything’ is stuffed with weepy delights and his West Holts headline slot offers a rare opportunity for him to air them in the UK.
Why M83: On the other end of the electronic spectrum are M83 who’ll bring cheesy, danceable cosmic bangers. Oh, and ‘Midnight City’, obvs.
Floating Points vs Tame Impala
When: Park Stage, 20:00 – 21:00 / Pyramid Stage, 20:00 – 21:15
Why Floating Points: The live show for last year’s stunning debut ‘Elaenia’ has been transformed into a mind-melting odyssey fit for festival consumption.
Why Tame Impala: Think of this set as an audition to establish themselves as future headliners. Lasers, confetti, cheeky banter from Kevin Parker – this set will have it all. Don’t be surprised to see them try and usurp Adele, who plays directly after.
Coldplay vs LCD Soundsystem vs Grimes
When: Pyramid Stage, 21:30 – 23:15 / Other Stage, 21:45 – 23:15 / The Park, 21:00 – 22:00
Why Coldplay: They’ve headlined three times before, so you know they can pull it off with ease. Plus ‘Yellow’ is still a gigantic tune – admit it.
Why LCD: It feels like they’re on every festival poster this summer – but actually, gigs in the UK are few and far between. Murphy and crew are scheduled for just two at the moment (Glasto and Lovebox), if you want to catch a glimpse of the reunited 00’s legends, here’s when you should do it.
Why Grimes: Last year’s ‘Art Angels’ was the crème de la crème of 2015 and will help close out Glasto 2016 with a colourful bang.
Jeremy Corbyn vs Gregory Porter
When: Left Field, 13:00 – 14:00 / Pyramid Stage, 13:00 – 14:00
Why Jez: The Labour leader’s appearance will take place on the Sunday and you best believe that the result of the EU referendum will be brought up – win or lose. We’re excited for the unpredictability of this set, though.
Why Gregory: Politics might be a bit heavy for your Sunday hangover, but Gregory’s silky smooth vocals are certainly an ample substitute.
Bat For Lashes vs Jeff Lynne’s ELO
When: John Peel, 16:00 – 17:00 / Pyramid Stage, 16:00 – 17:15
Why Bat For Lashes: Natasha Khan’s got a knack for the theatrical and if you fancy some striking and ethereal pop, this is the one for you.
Why ELO: Jeff Lynne will have ‘Mr Blue Sky’ up his sleeve though, and if that hasn’t got Glastonbury moment written all over it then we don’t want to know.
Dua Lipa vs Ellie Goulding
When: Sonic, 17:30 – 18:30 / Pyramid Stage, 17:45 – 18:45
Why Dua: She’s garnering serious traction online (‘Be The One’ has over 50 million YouTube plays) but she’s much more than a viral hit. Shows in tents will be a thing of the past if Dua continues on this trajectory.
Why Ellie: Following last year’s ‘Delirium’, Goulding is gunning for the top spot on the bill and the improvements in her live show over recent years suggest that she could go all the way.
Beck v PJ Harvey
When: Pyramid Stage, 19:15 – 20:30 / Other Stage, 19:50 – 21:00
Why Beck: ‘Wow’ has well and truly blown our socks off and if the musical chameleon is feeling generous, perhaps there will be smattering of more wonky pop hits from his new album on display.
Why PJ Harvey: This will be one of her first UK headline shows in five years and new album ‘The Hope Six Demolition Project’ is a critical, yet surprisingly uplifting affair.