Actual pop royalty Madonna played tonsil hockey with rap miserabilist Drake onstage during his Coachella set last night. Madonna has form for this sort of behaviour of course, having famously smooched both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera at the MTV Video Music Awards way back in 2003. Sadly, this time most everyone’s been distracted from the mild titillation by the decidedly ungentlemanly reaction of Drake, who reacts like a man who’s just accidentally taken a swig out of the tinnie everyone else at the party has been using as an ash tray. I haven’t seen a man look that uncomfortable about kissing a woman since Troy McClure married Selma.
Twitter was swift and merciless in its response, with grime artist JME taking Drake’s side and pointing out that the rapper didn’t exactly give full and frank consent to the larynx lashing:
If a man did to a woman, what madonna done to drake, it will be a bit rapey still.
— Jme (@JmeBBK) April 13, 2015
Failed TV host Piers Morgan also stepped in to call the idea of kissing Madonna “ghastly”, which is pretty rich coming from a man who looks exactly like Piers Morgan:
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) April 13, 2015
Although as magazine editor James Brown pointed out, the incident did have a certain ‘family reunion’ vibe to it:
— James Brown (@jamesjamesbrown) April 13, 2015
Critic Anthony Fantano speculated as to what could possibly have caused a reaction like that from his Drakeness:
I think Madonna hawked a loogi in Drake's mouth…
— Thee Anthony Fantano (@theneedledrop) April 13, 2015
While writer Joe Bish found the whole thing a little too familiar:
drake looked like mos def after he did that guantanamo force feeding PSA
— Mr. Showbiz OBE (@joe_bish) April 13, 2015
Pitchfork writer Craig Jenkins meanwhile was reminded of a particular Drake lyric, from the song ‘Energy’:
For Madonna, Drake’s reaction is probably equally as embarrassing as falling down the stairs at the BRITs – but this is all on him, not her. As Chance The Rapper told NME last year, Madonna is “cute AF”. If Drake reacts like that every time he’s kissed, no wonder he writes so many sad songs.