Festivals are the highlight of the summer. What’s not to like about pissing abound in a field while listening to Foals with some strangers?
Well, quite a lot to be honest. Granted, the muck, foot pain and hangovers are all part of the fun, but that doesn’t make them enjoyable. When all you’ve got is an eco-friendly toilet ditch and a packet of baby wipes, things can get pretty grim. So we trawled the home of gross stuff on the internet, Urban Dictionary, to find definitions that capture the shitty downsides of festival season. Grab some alcohol gel and a sick bucket and enjoy!
The most precious of things, the seal must be maintained if you want to see the whole of Biffy Clyro’s set without a gruelling ten minute push through the crowd every 20 minutes.
The devastating effect of too much cider and breaking the aforementioned seal.
When you skip brushing your teeth and regret all your life decisions.
The dark, tan like residue on your skin that builds up over days of shower neglect.
The extreme version of the festival tan.
Gross wizardry which makes for a horrible memento on the Monday morning after the Glastonbury weekend.
Trampled to oblivion. Or in Glastonbury’s case, squashed into the mud for thousands of years to come.
When you wake up to use the bathroom, put on your flip flops and get a horrible surprise from a drunken stranger.
When you’re just halfway through the second day of a festival and your feet already feel, look and smell like mud bricks.
This can strike at any moment, and potentially stick around for the whole weekend. And you can’t blame anyone but yourself. It’s exacerbated by the combination of skipping meals because they’re so expensive and eating dodgy fried crap when you do.
Basically your body’s punishment for a long weekend of self-inflicted abuse.
When you sit at home complaining about festivals but really you just wish you were there too.