Why Liam Gallagher Is Totally Wrong About Glastonbury

Is it just me or have Liam’s outburts got a bit random of late? The once acerbic singer, whose withering put-downs could effortlessly reduce opponents into comic epithets off the cuff, seems to be running out of stuff to have a go at.

Twitter’s shit. I mean, I use it, but it’s shit. Oasis’ videos were rubbish. We’re not scared of The Strokes. You’d get arrested wearing Jay-Z’s Rocawear. Who writes songs about old trees? At least write songs about new trees. Beady Eye will be bigger than The Beatles.

Liam G

And so on. Now the slightly less quotable Gallagher has turned his attention to Glasto and the frankly harmless Eavis family. He’s never going again. Because “the sound is shit and really quiet”.

Well that’s easily disputed for starters – in about eight visits I can’t think of a time where sound was an issue at Glasto, certainly not compared to some of the other, more urban, festivals. Melvin Benn has chatted to us several times about the Reading volume levels – I don’t ever remember Michael Eavis defending his speaker size. He usually just claims this year’s Glasto was the best ever yet of all time for sure. And he’s normally not wrong.

You’d have to be a committed curmudgeon of a certain age to not find something to do among Pilton’s (literally) thousands of bands, secret gigs, sideshows, freakshows, art, theatre etc yadda yadda etc. A committed music nerd might note that the decibel count at the John Peel stage is only 98% that of Wireless’ main stage or whatever, but most people at Glasto are too far gone and too happy to care. Anyway, it’s not like he’s in Meshuggah – doesn’t he bang the tambourine in Beady Eye or something? I’m sure it would have been loud enough.

Liam Gallagher

Gallagher’s other concern is the clientele. “It’s like Bond Street with mud, with loads of celebrities walking around in their boots and umbrellas. I’m not having it.” Yeah, fuck you boot wearers. I’m not having that either. What’s wrong with a pair of chocolate suede casuals from the Pretty Green store (RRP: £65)? Or the champagne desert boots (RRP: £95)? Brilliant white and perfect for sloshing up the human shit to the Park Stage in.

Quite apart from the irrational fear of people that prepare for muddy and wet situations, he’s totally wrong about the celebs. OK so Kate Moss’ll be tramping around in hotpants and a Geldof or Allen might be caught backstage but it’s hardly the V festival. Glastonbury isn’t renowned for liggers, not like some of the weekenders Beady Eye are confirmed for. And as for the Bond Street thing, I don’t think I’ve ever seen dreadlocked fire jugglers nipping into Burberry. Or Ermenegildo Zegna selling poppers for that matter.

I’d recommend thinking before speaking but that aint gonna happen. Maybe Mr G could just tighten the wit and re-calibrate the crosshairs a little. We love his inimitable take on the world, but all this slagging off random stuff unneccessarily? I’m not having that.

Michael Eavis

Glastonbury Festival Announces 2011 Line-Up – What Do You Think?

Festival Face-Off: Which Summer Weekender Has The Best Line Up?