Jon does this on YouTube, where he garnered 90,000 YouTube subscribers in just three days, thanks to his covers, which he began releasing two weeks ago. Since he released the first, ‘Imagine’, he has ascended to viral superstardom with rapidity rivaled only by Ken Bone, a man who became internet famous because he asked a question at a Presidential debate and also looked like a cartoon character.
Behold! As he sings the words “Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me / I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed” to Radiohead’s loser anthem ‘Creep’. Gasp! As the bald patch in his neckbeard winks at you when he sings ‘All Star’ to the tune of Village People’s 1978 disco anthem ‘Y.M.C.A’. Marvel! As he closes his eyes, feeling the vibe while he combines Smash Mouth with Evanescence’s epic 2003 nu-goth ballad ‘Bring Me To Life’. He fucks up the words on a couple of the videos, but this just makes him more relatable. We could all be Jon Sudano. In a way, readers, we all are. Every time your uncle posts a Facebook video of a man smoking the world’s hottest pepper and you hit ‘Like’, you are Jon Sudano. Every time you upvote a Reddit post of a pumpkin shape carved into an actual pumpkin, you, too, are Jon Sudano.
He is not the hero we deserve, he is the hero we need. See the YouTube video below, in which one man from the internet, a YouTuber calling himself Brian Storm, interviews another man from the internet – your friend and mine, Jon Sudano. This video will one day become an artefact that reminds humanity of how soothingly pointless the internet became. “You changed the landscape of the internet forever with your amazing musical covers,” Brian Storm tells Jon Sudano, who reveals that his life has changed in the following seismic ways since online infamy called: he now has more YouTube subscribers and Facebook friends.
The most profound part of this interview occurs when Brian Storm tells Jon Sudano that he is “the new ‘Damn, Daniel!”. Cast your mind back to February 2016: this was the Vine (RIP) in which one teenager pointed at the brightness of another teenager’s Van trainers and said, “Damn, Daniel!’ Oh, how we laughed. There will be another Damn, Daniel. There will be another Jon Sudano. As long as we need something mind-numbingly dumb to laugh at as an actual fascist makes a plausible bid to become the most powerful man in the world, we will need folk heroes like Jon Sudano. Cherish him.