Republican collectors rejoice - Kid Rock has launched an entirely new range
Given a time machine, would you go back to 1932 and kill Hitler as he rose to power, or would you go back and set up a company selling celebratory stick-on Hitler moustaches and promotional blackshirts reading ‘Fuhrer Forever!’ and ‘Suck It Up, Weimoaners!’?
Into the latter bracket falls professional redneck Kid Rock, who pledged his support to Trump’s campaign and has greeted the ascension of American ‘populism’ by releasing a range of pro-Trump merchandise ideal for the armies of gnashing, gun-hugging, trowel-brandishing Donaldites to wear as they rush to embrace the blinding white heat of WWIII’s first nuclear conflagration, still blaming the Mexicans and Muslims.
First up, on the milder end of the scale, is this charming Donald-style cap emblazoned with the legend ‘Make America Badass Again’. It’s difficult to conceive of what this actually means – Rock wants America to be more ‘badass’ than invading and/or bombing to rubble entire Middle Eastern countries? He’d like to see a return to the ‘you talking to me?’ days of unnecessarily nuking Japanese cities? Or does he yearn for the freedom to shoot the sombrero off anyone trying to rustle his horse?
Next, Rock celebrates three things it’s only feasible to believe in if you refuse to think about them very much on this ‘God, Guns & Trump’ shirt. Or perhaps it’s one of those ‘if this is the answer, what is the question?’ Mock The Week things, and the question is ‘what three things should we have left behind in 1793?’.
More controversial are the shirts that’ll likely be favoured by the more objector-beating wing of Trump’s support base. ‘_onald Trump: The ‘D’ is missing because it’s in every hater’s mouth’ reads this one which, presuming the ‘D’ stands for ‘dick’ and not ‘desultory Dorito’, is blatantly untrue. The only person who appears to be fervently noshing off Donald Trump right now is Nigel Farage, and he’s firmly pro-Don.
And finally, Rock has produced this t-shirt declaring those states that voted Trump as ‘The United States Of America’ and the Clinton states as ‘Dumbfuckistan’. We can only assume this is based on Rock’s own lengthy independent research and statistical analysis, based on the fact that Trump so overwhelmingly won the votes of Americans with college degrees. Oh, hang on.