The curse of 2016 didn’t escape the silver screen. While civilisation was crumbling, cinemas were also taking it pretty hard too – well, they were if you cast your eyes over the films that scored a shocking 0% on online film reviews aggregator Rotten Tomatoes. The site collates critics reviews from all over the world, and works out which films are like the tastiest nugget of popcorn, and which films are, well, rotten tomatoes – like the Bruce Willis starring shitshow, Precious Cargo, pictured above.
Only a few films score 0% every year – it takes a lot to be that bad – but here are the other total cinematic embarrassments which made the list in 2016. Avoid at all costs. Even when you’re so full of mince pies you can barely move off the sofa and lift your fingers to switch off the awful movie your weird older brother has put on.
“Who benefits from the existence of this film?” Glenn Kenney, New York Times
“The best thing about Sundown is that it’s too dumb to be offensive.” Alan Zilberman, Washington Post
“It’s a wannabe noir with no atmosphere, and a waste of a talented cast by a director who really has no idea what to do with them.” Brian Tallerico, RogerEbert.com
“What persuaded Bruce Willis to accept a role in this cheap-looking, poorly scripted, irredeemably derivative crime thriller is a question only he, and his agent, can answer.” Brian Viner, Daily Mail
“Amateur Night isn’t wild or funny. It would rather spray its characters with vaginal fluid than dream up a killer punchline.” Brian Orndorf, Blu-ray.com
“Even with the short running time, Ghost Team slogs along for an eternity. Avoid this unfortunate misfire at all costs.” Josh Kupecki, Austin Chronicle
“Satanic is a ‘What Not To Do’ handbook for aspiring horror filmmakers, and then some.” Matt Donato, We Got This Covered
“While a fictionalized account of Bill Lee’s career certainly held some sex, drugs & rock ‘n’ roll potential, the blandly pedestrian film Spaceman seldom delivers despite an engagingly game lead performance by Josh Duhamel.” Michael Rechtshaffen, Los Angeles Times
“This spooky house flick would be better off locked up in the attic and forgotten for good.” Katie Walsh, Los Angeles Times
“If I hadn’t committed to writing a review of Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?, I likely wouldn’t have had to convince myself to sit through the second half of it.” Jacqui Blue, Film Inquiry
“It’s the type of indie film that might have played at a minor festival at the turn of the millennium, with the audience offering pity laughter for the cast and crew in attendance and the director waiting in vain for news of an acquisition.” Kimber Myers, Los Angeles Times
“Moviegoers suffering from superhero fatigue should especially avoid Max Steel, a film that embodies the worst of what the genre has to offer.” Robert Yaniz Jr, We Got This Covered
“It’s not action-packed enough, not funny enough, and the characters aren’t memorable enough.” Brian Tallerico, RogerEbert.com