Justin Bieber wore a fake moustache this weekend. And a fake beard. And a wig. And one of his plaid shirts from 2010. The overall effect of the disguise was… shit. It was parody. It was performance art. It was a retrospective wink at his own past, a desperate plea to get milk without getting chased by a pack of teenagers, while willing attention to be drawn towards himself because his disguise was so hilariously terrible.
We’ll never know quite why he did it.
But he’s not actually the worst offender when it comes to celebrity disguises. Stars will go to great ends in order to go out without getting papped, surprise unsuspecting fans, or just chill at Coachella. So even if they don’t surpass Bieber for their shitness, these disguises are at least as bad. Because a fake goatee takes a heck of a lot to beat.
Pete Wentz as ‘Vlad’
The Fall Out Boy bassist dressed up as ‘Vlad’ the donut baker as part of a marketing campaign for ‘Folie a Deux’ in 2008. Watch if you enjoy yellow skinny jeans, lingering shots of the Hollywood boulevard and dreadful scripted dialogue.
Dustin Hoffman as a man with a bag on his head
Dustin Hoffman is a class A troll when it comes to messing with the press: there are countless pictures of him ducking behind telephone boxes and signposts, to avoid getting ‘spotted’. His best disguise, however, was his take on the old ‘shopping bag on the head’ trick. He even made himself some eye-holes. Master of espionage.
Leonardo DiCaprio as a man with pants on his face
Leonardo has had several shit disguises over the years. This usually involves a hideous hat and some aviators, but he upped the ante for Coachella 2014. Are those underpants on his face? Are they clean?
Rupert Grint and Daniel Radcliffe as vintage motorcycle enthusiasts
Like DiCaprio, Ron and Harry just wanted to kick it at a festival and avoid becoming the centre of attention. They went to see Frank Carter’s set with Growler. Hermione wasn’t there to make them any Polyjuice potion, so they wore helmets and goggles instead. Because that is just standard at Reading.
Robbie Williams as Robbie Williams
A constant enigma, here Robbie Williams wears a plastic mask to avoid getting noticed at Heathrow Airport. So that’s Robbie Williams in a mask replica of his own face, like a terrifying game of celebrity inception.