The wait is nearly over for Doctor Who fans. The new Doctor will be revealed on Sunday’s episode. After four long years playing Saturday Night TV’s favourite Time Lord, Matt Smith decided to hang up his tweedy jacket earlier this year and bowtie and leave the TARDIS for good. The floppy-fringed actor is forever being snapped at festivals, and given his obvious love of music one wonders which pop star would make a decent fist of the coveted Doctor Who role. Tenuous you might say, but when the smart money’s on Sue Perkins, you hope to Christ the selection process will be far reaching. Here are six musicians we think could be in with a shout.
Not afraid to dress up like a ninny, and a whizz with any instrument he lays his hands on, one suspects Muse’s Matt Bellamy would perform eye watering magical feats with the sonic screwdriver. His love of extraterrestrials would also stand him in good stead, though the risk he’d lead an alien insurrection to overthrow the world’s governments and take down “the illuminati” might lead producers to suspect he’s been spending too much time online reading conspiracy theories (Dr Who must beware of paranoid cybermen).
Mark E. Smith
Longtime fans of the Doctor (and by that we mean sociopathic nerds) have expressed of late their dismay at the Gallifreyan’s propensity for emotional attachment to human beings, usually of a romantic inclination. Giving Mark E. Smith the job would put a stop to any such nonsense. The Fall’s mainstay has sacked more musicians over the years than he’s had dinners, hot or otherwise, and his ability to continue unabated should make him a contender. Beating up his assistants will not impress the BBC.
Jehovah is omnipotent according to his witnesses, and the Hova might be too. An old photograph taken in 1939 surfaced recently with what appears to be none other than Shaun ‘Jay-Z’ Carter chillin’ in Harlem in a flatcap some three decades before his actual birth. Auntie is always looking to cut costs these days, so Jay-Z could well be a shoe-in if he can save on expensive special effects by travelling in time of his own accord. He’s got 99 problems but the stitch in the fabric of time ain’t one.
Geeks will be aware that Doctor Who has two hearts, and one wonders why he shouldn’t have two heads as well? If you’re going to go to all the bother of regenerating then why not come back as two cool Frenchmen in crash helmets instead of Sylvester McCoy (you might want to ask your dad about that one). Daft Punk also recently took the voyage dans le temps back to 1978 to purloin Chic legend Nile Rodgers for ‘Random Access Memories’ and the results were magnifique!
Whenever another actor retires from the role, there is always the suggestion that the new Doctor could be a woman (though of course that hasn’t happened yet). We would like to put forward Bjork, who comes from a magical land far away and has control over time. Or if not time itself, then Times Square. The artist’s ‘Mutual Core’ video from the Biophilia album played every night as midnight approached at the famous New York landmark throughout the whole of March this year.
The Queens of the Stone Age frontman recently told NME his heart stopped when he was having his leg operated on. Like the Doctor, Josh Homme got over an unfortunate impasse to emerge stronger than ever. Okay, so he died for a minute and Doctor Who was off air for 16 years, but who’s counting when you’re a time lord eh? Plus Josh Homme is a motherfucking badass. What more excuse do you need?
I’m sure you’ve got your own suggestions. Put ’em in the comments below.