If you’re from outside the United States and woke up this morning wondering what the phrase ‘Black Friday’ was doing plastered over your Twitter feed, no, Rebecca Black’s 2011 viral waking nightmare ‘Friday’ has not been honored with a national holiday. Black Friday, it turns out, is the day after Thanksgiving regarded as the start of the Christmas shopping season across the pond, with retailers offering discounts so low they’ve been known to spark actual riots in shopping malls as shoppers brawl to get the best deals on the year’s most in-demand festive gifts. Basically, imagine a brutal mosh pit, but in Dixon’s and to the tune of the frantic ‘KERCHING!’ of cash registers and faint waft of burritos from the food floor.
Here’s the music merchandise released in 2013 we’d be prepared to don protective gear and face the fighting crowds for if it were in shops. Side note to friends and family: if you’re reading, any of these will do just fine under the tree on Christmas morning, ta very much.
Wu-Tang mountain bike
Among the great merchandise commemorating the rap crew’s 20th anniversary – Wu-Tang nunchucks! An official Wu-Tang scarf so you can Protect Ya Neck in style! – was an official Wu-Tang mountain bike. Imagine riding this bad boy down to the Gravel Pit.
Father John Misty perfume
Why wouldn’t you want the musk of indie’s sleaziest, most debauched traveler, a man whose 2012 Sub Pop debut ‘Fear Fun’ told tales of digging graves, acid trips through suburbia and twisted, whiskey-soaked sex parties? Actually, don’t answer that. ‘Innocence by Misty’ is a female perfume is limited to 300 bottles and made of “all natural rare essential oils, fixed in a base of organic cane alcohol.” Misty would probably neck it.
Daft Punk condoms and action figures
The merchandise that sparked a million ‘Get Lucky’ puns, the French duo not only released the all-conquering ‘Random Access Memories’ this year, but a line of condoms. Then of course there were the Daft Punk action figures, created by toy manufacturer Bandai in Japan. Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots with a disco-y difference, basically.
Queens of the Stone Age knitted Christmas sweater
The mighty Josh Homme isn’t the most Christmassy of gentlemen – I’m not sure how many parents would want their kids on his lap if he dressed up as Santa in a shopping mall, given the sex-dripped, white knuckle rock ‘n’ roll he peddles in Queens of the Stone Age – which made it all the more surprising when Queens released their very own festive knitted jumper recently. Your Gran might take issue with its copulating reindeer if you wear it to Christmas Day dinner, mind.
Bruce Springsteen ‘Born To Run’ lyric sheet
The Boss’s original lyric sheet for ‘Born To Run’ goes under the hammer in New York next week, with experts predicted it to fetch “somewhere between $75,000 and $100,000”. I’m a bit short on cash. Reckon there’s any chance auction house Sotheby’s fancy doing me a Black Friday cut price? A discount somewhere in the region of 98% would be pretty Boss indeed…