It’s only nine months till the UK leaves the European Union, and there’s been very little to suggest that it won’t be a fuck-up of biblical proportions.
As things stand, we’re locked in an endless merry-go-round of talks that have achieved absolutely nothing. Only this morning did EU Chief negotiator Michel Barnier admit that “huge and serious differences” still remain before a deal is brought to the table.
What we really need, then, is a no-nonsense hero who can really get to the point, but one that does so in a way that also happens to be quite endearing.
With this in mind I wholeheartedly ask Theresa May to say “fuck off David Davis, the man in Brussels that we really need is Danny Dyer”.
The moment of truth came last night, as the cockney icon appeared on Good Evening Britain to discuss his daughter’s Love Island stint with professional gobshite and king of whataboutery Piers Morgan.
But after inevitably handing Morgan his arse on a plate, something remarkable happened.
The video below captures the moment that Danny Dyer transformed into the most unlikely political pundit of a generation – delivering a remarkable take down of the man initially for getting us in this fucking mess.
I love Danny Dyer. pic.twitter.com/bEgXxKgOGt
— Nath (@Nath_1878) June 28, 2018
After losing the EU referendum in 2016, David Cameron swanned off into the sunset without having to deal with the consequences, and Danny hasn’t forgotten.
“Who knows about Brexit? No one’s got a fucking clue what Brexit is. You watch Question Time, it’s comedy. It’s like a mad riddle”, Danny sagely offered to a panel that included Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.
Then came the greatest TV moment of the year, if not century.
“What’s happened to that TWAT David Cameron who called it on”, the EastEnders hard man raged.
Since Brexit is bloody happening then I think we have found a someone to replace David Davis in our negotiations. #DannyDyer
— Rich (@Ric310780) June 29, 2018
“How comes he can scuttle off? Where is he? He’s in Europe with his trotters up. WHERE IS THE GEEZER?
“HE SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNT FOR IT.”
And then came the sign-off, a magnificent ‘TWAT’ bellowed once more as Piers Morgan fruitlessly attempted to intervene.
My obsession with Danny Dyer is real and I think about him on average 4 times a week- let’s let him loose on America
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) June 29, 2018
Brexit negotiations would definitely accelerate if we sent Danny Dyer to Brussels https://t.co/pCJjUZRclL
— Joe Brock (@JoeReuters) June 29, 2018
Although it’s hilarious, it’s inherently clear that there’s some real political fire in Dyer’s belly – which is precisely what we need right now.
Picture the scene: Danny Dyer wanders into Michel Barnier’s office and gives him a peace offering of a hamper containing jellied eels, cockles, whelks, and a Chas & Dave greatest hits CD.
From herein, they’d go on to have some seriously constructive chats about trade – with Barnier agreeing to Danny’s plans for fresh pie & mash to be exported to the continent.
— Danny Dyer (@MrDDyer) December 10, 2015
He’d be firm and fair, but most importantly frank – which seems a world away from the uncertainty that David Davis is continuously delivering.
Who knows? If he secures a deal then greater things could still await him, Prime Minister Dyer certainly seems possible in an age where where a tangerine demagogue is the leader of the free world.
One nation under Dyer, one nation under our true cockney saviour.
Do the right thing, Theresa May, and MAKE IT FAAAAAACKIN ‘APPEN.