Faithless have heralded the age of the ‘promercial’ – Gavin Haynes asks, how will our favourite bands get on board?
We could earnestly evaluate this phenomenon as the rise of the new collaboration between music and hard commerce. Instead, let’s sketch out storylines for Five Promercials We’d Like To See Made…
Interpol: Gillette Mach 4
After Top Gun-style jetfighter action, zooming round Monaco in an F1 car and a scene in which Paul Banks drives a powerboat along a perilously narrow canal, it ends with each of them at the washbasin, a white towel wrapped around their waists. CGI image of bristles being harvested by the Mach’s unique four-blade mechanism. Doomy cavernously reverbed single-string guitar plays ‘The Best A Man Can Get’ jingle.
Kings Of Leon: Iceland
The rugged Kings become the new face of Iceland for their Christmas campaign. As they run through a winter wonderland, dressed as the Magi, pop-ups of individually portioned Xmas dinners flash up onscreen. Finally, Caleb turns towards the camera as a family-sized Christmas pudding (“Now only £4!”) is being flambéd at the Kings’ dinner table. “This pudding,” he drawls, “is on fire.” The sound of forced laughter fills the room.
Band re-record ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ promo – only, after snorting and shagging her way through the video, the girl behind the camera sobs down the phone: “Yeah, I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do…” A sombre chord. A mockney voiceover. “Drugs can change your whole personality. For impartial advice you can trust, talk to FRANK.”
The Cribs: Topman
Jarman, Jarman, Jarman & Marr put aside the axe they’ve long ground against the Topshop Nation and decide to become its ‘brand ambassadors’, performing in a music video in which they frolic on a T4-style beachfront with a lot of overdressed yoofs, in their new own-brand Topshop ‘Hey Scenesters!’ range. Ends with Gary judging a wet T-shirt competition, and giving a leery thumbs-up. “Men’s needs,” he sleazes.
The former icon of youth rebellion and give-a-fuck man-baiting attitude saddens everyone around him when he makes a series of lamentable take-offs of ‘The Passenger’ for Swiftcover. Ha! Like that’s ever going to happen! Oh, wait a minute…
This article originally appeared in the August 21 issue of NME