Posty’s third full-length is full of brilliant, absurd, mind-bending one-liners
Last week, Post Malone returned with third album ‘Hollywood’s Bleeding’. “At times he sounds like Julian Casablancas. At others he sounds like ’70s FM radio. This accomplished and eclectic record, though, could only come from Post Malone,” NME’s Danny Wright wrote in a four-star review of the record.
Love him or hate him, ‘Hollywood’s Bleeding’ pushes Posty’s singular vision to new heights, and doubles down on his bard-of-the-tailgate-party personality.
From Bud Light to Crocs, ‘Hollywood’s Bleeding’ is packed with lyrics that are, simply, peak Post Malone. Here are the pick of the bunch…
“Versace boxers on my dick / Bud Light runnin’ through my piss” – ‘Saint-Tropez’
“I don’t want to be fucking miserable all the time so sometimes, I like to just go buck-wild with the boys,” Posty has said of‘ Saint-Tropez’, a song that sees him diving deep into his celebrity lifestyle and hedonism
He talks of “Bradley Pitt” and a 50ft yacht being, ahem, “insuffish”. The pick of the bunch, though, comes at the start. “Versace boxers on my dick / Bud Light runnin’ through my piss,” he says, throwing down the most Post Malone rhyming couplet of all time. Sure, given his recent collaboration with Bud Light on a new merch run, it’s probably also seen a few more dollars go in his pocket, but doesn’t that just make it even more perfect, and even more Posty?
“Wasted on Sunday, erase you on Monday – allergic / Gave in by Friday, went straight back to sideways – allergic” – ‘Allergic’
In a spin on Craig David’s famous weekly diary on ‘7 Days’ crossed with Jesus Christ’s pretty hectic Easter weekend, Posty can’t quite work out his feelings about a girl on ‘Allergic’.
As well as being pretty peak Post Malone to be wavey as hell after a Sunday in the pub, it’s also very much his style to compare a confusing relationship to some kind of rash. You do you, Post.
“Without that face, girl, you wouldn’t get far / I really like you, despite who you are” – ‘A Thousand Bad Times’
A classic Post Malone romantic sentiment, here. ‘A Thousand Bad Times’ is a sprightly, superbly catchy song, and a highlight of ‘Hollywood’s Bleeding’. Lyrically, Posty sings of being, well, less than fond of a partner.
“Without that face, girl, you wouldn’t get far / I really like you, despite who you are,” he sings, and that’s only the tip of the cringey, not-entirely-appropriate iceberg. “I don’t wanna meet your mama,” he continues. “She prolly crazier than you.”
It all reaches a wonderful conclusion in the pre-chorus though, with all the differences and bad feeling set aside as he sings: “You make my life so hard, but that’s what gets me off.” Aww!
“Richard Mille my watch, thousand dollar Crocs” – ‘I’m Gonna Be’
On ‘I’m Gonna Be’, Posty refers to two of his loves.
First up, he talks about his ‘Richard Mille’, referring to the luxury Swiss watch manufacturer. Then, significantly more hilariously, he talks about “thousand dollar Crocs”.
Basically the living, breathing embodiment of the much-maligned footwear, it’s no surprise that Post Malone is a fan of the practical plastic shoes, and also kinda makes perfect sense that there are legitimately some that cost a thousand dollars.
A Genius entry on ‘I’m Gonna Be’ reveals the existence of Balenciaga Crocs platform shoes, which are, it says, “normal Crocs with an extremely elevated base”. They cost just over a thousand dollars. Never change, Posty.
“I just seen lil’ mama Instagram and she flexin’ / Don’t care about your puppies, just that ass and them breastses” – ‘Internet’
If we’re honest, this is probably the least relatable moment of ‘Hollywood’s Bleeding’, because who doesn’t love baby dogs?
Regardless, he stays wonderfully on-brand here during ‘Internet’, his song about taking a social media break. Sure, it’s slightly nauseating, but at least he’s living his truth.