17 Freshers’ Week problems and how to solve them

We've all been there

Freshers’ Week is a total rite of passage. Wherever you’re entering tertiary education, you can expect to encounter these 17 common problems:

1. Bringing too much stuff

You might need your flippers, though, right?

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Solution: Bring… less stuff?

2. Having to learn 100 new names

The struggle is real.

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Solution: A really good memory.

3. Enforced ice-breakers


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Solution: Try and enjoy it – it’s never that bad.

4. Overdoing it

You’re doing amazing sweetie

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Solution: Slow down, or drink water between drinks. Sincerely, ur parents.

5. Losing your way home on your first night after your phone dies

Send help! And cheesy chips!

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Solution: Breadcrumb trail. Easy.

6. Losing your valuables

Where did you leave your wallet/phone/keys?

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Solution: Look after ur valuables innit.

7. The many and varied embarrassing photos

De-tag x 100

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Solution: There is no solution: there is only your mind.

8. Failing to budget

And then spending the rest of term like:

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Solution: Have fun, but be careful.

9. Quiet neighbours

You just wanna have fun and they’re like:

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Solution: Invite them out with you.

10. Loud neighbours

You’re a hypocrite and sometimes you just wanna sleep, dammit!

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Solution: Earplugs m8! Cheap as chips.

11. Sleep deprivation

The morning after the night before, you’re all up in matriculation like:

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Solution: Get some sleep, kid.

12. The mother of all hangovers

Maybe you’ll just stay in bed forever. Yeah.

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Solution: As above: drink plenty o’ water.

13. Kitchen goop

It’s the first week of term, everything’s going great, and oh hey – what’s that in the sink?

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Solution: Treat the kitchen as a quarantine zone, or be that ‘cleaning rota’ guy. The choice is yours.

14. Navigating the Freshers’ fair

Man, it’s crowded in there.

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Solution: Go early, and have a game-plan. If you just wander you’ll be there all day.

15. Having to unsubscribe from society emails because you wanted their free stuff

Free stuff! For free! What were you gonna do – not subscribe to the Chocolate, Wine and Pirate societies?

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Solution: Give a fake email address to the societies you don’t actually want to join.

16. Freshers flu

You know exactly what’s coming when the week is over.

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Solution: If you don’t have it – get on the Vitamin C. If you do, milk it for all it’s worth.

17. Actually starting uni

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Solution: Try not to freak out. Everyone knows that first year doesn’t count anyway.

Good luck, Freshers. Godspeed.