Glastonbury 2014: Five Of The Most Maddening Clashes

Rejoice! This year’s Glastonbury full stage times have been announced. Needless to say, the line-up is so full of great bands it’s a guarantee you’ll never be left at a loose end or twiddling your thumbs. The full line-up is here but, as ever, this good news comes with a slight problem: there’s some heartbreaking clashes. You’re going to have to decide between some of your favourite acts. Here, then, are five of the trickiest choices you’ll have to make:

Parquet Courts vs Wild Beasts vs Lily Allen – Friday, 18.30pm
What a Sophie’s Choice to start with, eh? Lily is one of the nation’s finest popstars. Parquet Courts have just released their best album yet and are a sweaty thrill. Wild Beasts’ latest LP, ‘Present Tense’, becomes a gorgeous electronic playground when performed live. The good news is that Parquet Courts actually start at 18.15pm, so you can fit in 10 minutes of their set before having to decide where your loyalties lie.

Arcade Fire vs Skrillex vs MIA – Friday, 22.00pm
It doesn’t get any easier later on on Friday evening, either. On the Pyramid stage, you have papier-mache enthusiasts Arcade Fire; the Other Stage will be frequented by Lord Of The Bangers aka Skrillex; and Julian Assange’s best mate MIA will be holding court over on the West Holts Stage.

Jack White vs Manic Street Preachers vs Anna Calvi – Saturday,19.30pm
Definitely Jack White, right? After all, he’s got bona-fide festival chops and ‘Lazaretto’ should sound great live. But then, Manic Street Preachers at Glastonbury? PHWOAR. Wait, though: Anna Calvi, whose recent live shows have been nothing short of sublime, is going to be amazing on The Park Stage. In conclusion, then: good luck, you’re going to miss something special regardless.

Metallica vs Mogwai vs MGMT – Saturday, 22.00pm
This will all come down to how, exactly, you want to warp your brain on Saturday eve. If you want to pay tribute to metal overlords Metallica, then the Pyramid Stage is your Mecca; if you want your ears to ooze blood for the next three days, then it can only be Mogwai; and if you want to spend the rest of the night lying on the floor near the Stone Circle talking about whether we all see colours in the same way and what do aliens look like, then MGMT’s warped pop should be just the tonic.

St Vincent vs The Black Keys vs The Brian Jonestown Massacre
As far as I’m concerned, this isn’t a choice at all. If you like good music, go and watch St Vincent. If you want go and hear the best album of the year thus far performed live, go and see St Vincent. But I know some of you will fancy The Black Keys to be one of the weekend’s highlights, and there’ll always be a cult following for The Brian Jonestown Massacre, so this might just be a tough decision (although it isn’t, really, because just go and watch St Vincent).