Long before Fat White Family chucked their first pig’s head into the face of a vegetarian, Towers Of London were flinging their filthy effluent all down the front of 2005. These grimy princes of gross-out gutter punk were so free with their fists and fluids that they were banned from Download festival after fighting with other bands and got their own ‘shock rock’ TV show on Bravo which touted them as the Millennial Sex Pistols.
The more their critics cried ‘formulaic punk pastiche!’ the more they pissed in dressing rooms, chucked lit cigarettes at My Chemical Romance and escaped over the wall of the Big Brother house to try to prove their credentials. Their greatest achievement, you might argue, is that two of their number (guitarist The Rev and drummer Snell) were accepted into The Prodigy’s touring band.
So with the ‘alternative’ awash with slick-haired, buttoned-down laptop soul models and Christian farmers, it’s good to have their unwiped arses back with this new single – a kind of ‘The Locomotion’ for self-abusers. ‘Shake It’ is a new dance the Towers have invented whereby one grasps ones genitals and rhythmically ‘hand-jives’ to the beat until the tune reaches a euphoric clim… yes, it’s about wanking. “You gotta shake it, shake it, shake it!” Donny Tourette bawls in his trademark rodent whine as the Towers spew out sleazy money shots of grot rock riffs, “what’s the point in waiting when you’ve got all the juices/You were born to do it, so there’s no excuses”. There’s a hilarious video, too, featuring an array of frenzied bishop bashers – or does it?
Formulaic punk pastiche? Yeah, probably, but it’s also the antidote to Adele’s ‘Hello’, which might be exactly what you need a dose of right now.