So, Kanye’s hiring.
It’s the big news we’ve all been waiting for – in his blossoming fashion partnership with adidas, Kanye West is expanding his brand to launch a “YEEZY branded entity, creating footwear, apparel and accessories for all genders across street and sport”. The move will also see the grand opening of a number of retail stores in the US (and possibly abroad), where Kanye himself will be clocking in and out of shifts on a regular basis (probably not true).
This is where you, the gainful job seeker come in: Kanye needs help in taking his Yeezy range to the next level, so he’s put out a job advert or 17 on the adidas career hub looking for people to fill such positions as “Director Development [of] Footwear/Apparel”, “Director [of] Brand Communications & Activation” and “Senior Manager [of] Public Relations”. Personally, being the Director of Activation would be the dream.
Naturally, there’s going to be a lot of creative types out there hoping to land one of the 17 jobs of the century – so how can you get ahead of the competition and be noticed by ‘Ye? Here’s our handy nine-step guide to securing that position at YEEZY that, until yesterday, you never knew you wanted so badly.
1. You gotta love shoes
Sneaker culture is a particularly huge and surprisingly-profitable business in the US, so you have plenty of homework to do if you can only name a mere quarter of the products that you’d find in your average Schuh store.
2. You’ve got to hate Nike
In this corner of the shoe world, Nike is Ye’s sworn enemy. After initially partnering up with the sportswear brand to release two editions of the Nike Air Yeezys between 2009 and 2014, Kanye and Nike fell out spectacularly after the former accused the latter of stalling on the payment of royalties from Yeezy sales.
‘Ye’s next move? To sign a deal with Nike’s fierce competitor, Adidas (a few months before the drop of the final Air Yeezys, no less), which guaranteed him a nice, big dollar sign-emblazoned bag of royalty payments.
3. No idea is a bad idea
Case in point.
4. Be a damn good listener
Something tells us that your potential future boss is going to have a thing or two to say – test your resilience for that now by watching, in complete silence, the 38-minute answer he gave to a solitary question during his Oxford Union speech in March 2015.
5. You’re not afraid of a good pink polo
— Zach Toombs (@zachtoombs) April 28, 2016
And a good backpack to go with it.
6. Extra points can be picked up for having worked at, and hated, the GAP
See ‘Spaceship’ off Ye’s 2004 debut ‘The College Dropout’. Having worked in the clothing store during High School, the memories of being underpaid, tokenised and marginalised by his bastard of a boss were immortalised in time in the song’s first verse:
Let’s go back, back to the Gap
Look at my check, wasn’t no scratch
So if I stole, wasn’t my fault
Yeah I stole, never got caught
They take me to the back and pat me
Asking me about some khakis
But let some black people walk in
I bet you they show off their token blackie
Oh now they love Kanye, let’s put him all in the front of the store
So make sure you include the phrase “Fuck GAP” somewhere in your cover letter.
7. You know your designers from your Desiigner
Gucci, Fendi, Hermes et al did not have any involvement in this year’s hip-hop smash, ‘Panda’.
8. If you specialise in PR, be prepared to deal with things like this happening with no warning whatsoever
9. And, er, you’ve got to be up for relocating to Portland, Oregon
As that’s where adidas’ US headquarters – sorry, “village” – is based. Should you succeed in the interview process, you’ll be working alongside 1000 other employees – “which seems like a lot respectively,” admits the online brochure, “but [the Portland site] has a small campus feel where people create friendships through working and participating in the activities that are offered: working out at lunch, happy hours, workshops etc.”
Working out at lunch, happy hours, and Kanye as your boss? It’s the true manifestation of the American dream.
Hear what Foals had to say about Kanye West at this year’s Brit Awards