If there’s one problem with music festivals, it is thus: they’re just not glam enough. All that mud. All that warm booze, and greasy burgers, and sleeping in tents and using portable toilets and standing in the fields and the rest. You don’t go to a festival to actually watch bands, do you? Or enjoy spending time with your friends. No: the real spirit of music festivals is mind-boggling luxury and comfort, not letting your hair down for a weekend as you escape the bores of civilisation and routine to live like a feral animal instead.
Let’s rejoice, then, for the good people of Secret Solstice in Reykjavík, Iceland. Canny operators that they are, they’ve exploited a niche in the market – incredibly wealthy people who also happen to like music, essentially – and they’re going after it with gusto. According to a press release they sent out earlier this week, they’ve introduced their new $200,000 (roughly £130,000) ultimate festival pass. Basically, it’s the festival equivalent of having a fancy convertible car or a designer suit: it’s a signal of wealth, a way of showing everyone you’ve made it and you’re enjoying the high life.
What do you get for your cash? Well, first things first: the £130,000 fee is actually for two people, so really, it’s only £65,000 each. See, paupers? Stop grumbling! Your pass gets you first class return flights from anywhere in the world for the pair of you, a luxury five bedroom villa for five nights, helicopter transfers, personal assistant, a private car service available 24/7, a private 100ft yacht party – with skeet shooting and golf – as well as private chefs, aerial tours of Iceland, and lunch from inside the magma chamber of a dormant volcano.
Now, all of this sounds amazing, but it’s really just a very swanky holiday rather than a selling point for a music festival. As for trivial things, like the line-up: you’ll see the likes of Wu-Tang Clan, FKA Twigs, Kelis, Hercules And Love Affair, and MØ. Whether you’ll have time to actually watch any of these performances, given the playboy-heavy itinerary laid out for you, is quite doubtful – but then, you also do get a private performance from a festival headliner. Bargain, eh? For more information, see here.