Today, from 9.25am, three women received a raucous round of applause when it emerged that they had not had a shit in a fridge. People say that daytime TV is dumbed-down, that it’s lowest-common-denominator stuff, but now three women have received a raucous applause for not having had a shit in a fridge and we see The Jeremy Kyle Show for what it is: a piece of modern art.
Yes, there was a dispute over who put what in a fridge. Did Kathleen, Theresa or Mary have a shit and nestle it among the groceries? Because someone did it – and Jeremy was determined to get to the bottom of the matter. All three women had appeared on the show previously, and had been invited back to hear the results of a lie detector test.
Imagine how many people are involved in the production of The Jeremy Kyle Show. Researchers. Runners. Producers. A security guard employed to guard the fridge in the production office just in case. A wise use of resources, if you ask us.
Jeremy Kyle Show: "Who pooed in my fridge?" Sums the UK right up?
— Jack (@jackworthy13) September 16, 2016
In the clip, Jeremy Kyle dementedly shouts “MARY…. DID YOU POO IN THE FRIDGE!?” The lie detector results are in and Jeremy can resolve the mystery once and for all. Readers, Mary didn’t do it. In fact, none of the women did. Relief passes across their faces it must have passed across the face of whoever did poo in the fridge, and this video should be installed in the Tate Modern forthwith.