John Doran’s Top Ten Noise Rock Bands – Part Five

The final part in John Doran’s Noise Rock round-up. Grab free MP3s from loads more acts in parts ONE, TWO, THREE and FOUR

9. Trencher

This is a Trencher.


And this is exactly what the band Trencher sound like… LIKE A MACHINE THE SIZE OF THE BLACKPOOL TOWER ON ITS SIDE, DIGGING IT’S WAY STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR TOWN. They are the best (and possibly the only) proponents of Casio Grindcore and they are about to break the deafening silence that followed their 2006 opus ‘Lips’ with a new album next year, ‘All Suffering… Soon To End’. Celebrate mortals. CELEBRATE.

Please explain what kind of music you play and what your live shows are like?
Mark Dicker (keyboards/vocals): “We tend to cook up a rich stew of noise, the main ingredients being heavily marinated riffs, well tenderised doom and lean, thin slices of piquant grind. We then season this dish with some spicy electronics and a peppering of screams, grunts and growls before leaving it to simmer for a week or two until it’s reduced to a cheeky, humorous sauce. Our live shows are essentially the serving up of steaming ladles of this hearty broth with hunks of fresh crusty bread to sate the appetite of the discerning gourmand.”

What are the best conditions to listen to your music under?
“The best conditions for indulging in our feast of noise are those moments when only something hot and filling will suffice – before going out drinking; the munchies; the coming up, peak and come-down of psychotropic substances; those exhilarating moments of great passion, sadness or joy – weddings, wakes or baptisms; religious feasts and birthday parties etc…”

Why is Predator 2 such a good film?
“A good question, and one that may stir more than a little debate. In my opinion, Predator 2 is a good sequel to a classic action film, an area where sequels often suck. The choice of Danny Glover as the hero is inspired, he’s big and physical but not in a steroid-popping, oiled up kind of way. Apparently the producers were pushing for Steven Segal as the lead, but thankfully the director refused to cast him. Some great, hammy supporting roles as well – the interminably loud-mouthed Bill Paxton, and Gary Busey, the purveyor of one of Hollywood’s finest sneers. Add to that some great action sequences – the Predator’s attack on the crowded underground train; the attempt to capture the beast in the abattoir – coupled with some classy dialogue – “So you’re cutting off my dick and shoving it up my ass?”, and you’ve got a very entertaining film that ticks all the necessary boxes.”

Download Trencher’s ‘Vlad Tapas’ here

10. That Fucking Tank
A lot of people listen to the That Fucking Tank album ‘The Day Of Death By Bono Adrenalin Shock’ or to tracks such as ‘Stephen Hawkwind’ and declare that they don’t like them because they are obviously, “dead eyed mercenaries who are interested in nothing but chart success and doing the boogie woogie jam on Later With Jools Holland“. What do these people know? Nothing, that’s what. They are a two piece. They do not sound like The White Stripes.

That Fucking Tank

Please explain what kind of music you play and what your live shows are like?
James Islip (drums): “We are a baritone guitar and drums duo who play instrumental rock music which has been described as a surf between various classic rock channels on lots of drugs. Although people are keen to try and name drop cool American underground bands like Lightning Bolt, Oxes or Breadwinner in reference to our sound they often fail to pick up on the overriding influence of post-grunge Brit rockers Reef. Live, we are loud and sweaty, as you might expect. Sometimes we play on the floor and in the audience but are not afraid to get a foot up on the monitor if the venue demands it. People have been known to dance and pump fists in the air in equal measure.”

What is NWONWOBHM, and are you the sole proponents?
“The New Wave Of New Wave Of British Heavy Metal is the patented and copyrighted term for the sound of TFT’s latest output. It is still in its experimental phase and feeds the aesthetic of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal through a noise-rock skronk mincer. Sadly for Tank the moment this exciting ‘new sound’ was invented an instrumental duo from the Pudsey noise-rock community went one step further and have invented NWONWONWOBHM that sounds almost exactly like acid techno.”

You sometimes play naked. Is there any way of ensuring that we come to see you on one of the days when you are not doing this?
“Back in the day Tank would play in little clothing for the sake of keeping the meagre amount of T-shirts and jeans we owned from being encrusted in sweat two days into a tour. Now that Tank are pushing 30, can afford a variety of clothes and tend to fit touring into the weekends when they are not doing proper work you can be safe in the knowledge that you will not have to endure their sweaty hairy bodies rubbing up against you.”

Why is Predator 2 such a good film?
Predator 2 is not a good film. Die Hard is a good film.”

Download That Fucking Tank’s ‘Mr Blood’ here

Honourable mentions
We were sorry to hear that Glasgow’s Divorce are currently on hiatus while resolving line up issues. Also we’re not sure if Todd and $hit and $hine can strictly be called UK any more since Craig has moved to Texas but they certainly are both awesome bands. We were also sad to hear that Men Of Unitus are on indefinite hiatus as well. And Selfish Cunt and Tapes from Nottingham who we literally only just remembered, so forgot to include. Shit… sorry…