Lady Gaga’s new video for ‘Marry The Night’ is long.
So long in fact (almost 14 minutes) that by the end of this autobiographical tale of “Gaga being Gaga” you’re left wondering how best to go about hiring lawyers to divorce the night. An overblown, *serious face* walk through Gaga’s redemption thought music, we’ve also learnt a fair bit from it.
1) Sad Voice-Overs Are The New Product Placement.
Yup we don’t need any sneaky shots of Plentyoffish.com, someone supping on a Diet Coke or an awkwardly long shot of a mobile phone, instead we’ve got a voice-over. Yes Rihanna’s done it, Katy Perry and now Gaga who sounds like a lobotomized Carrie Bradshaw.
2) Ballet Is The New “I’m Lapsing Into Mental Illness!”
Thanks to Black Swan, the meaning behind a ballet dancer in a music video is that, well, in a minute they’re going to start snacking on their tutu and beating their pumps against a wall like drum sticks. Eek.
3) Cheerios Spell Trouble
Tommy taught us that the contents of one’s kitchen and music just don’t mix. You’ll never look at your bowl of cereal the same way after watching ‘Marry The Night’.
4) “Jazz Hands” = Redemption
Feeling sad? All you need is a big dance number with a load of your food-phobic dance pals! Look! Even the ballet chick is joining in!
5) Big Hats Mean Big Hugs
When you finally reach a state of mental equilibrium (that is when you sign a six figure record deal slash endorsement deal with a major fizzy drinks brand) you will express your state of inner nirvana by sporting a massive, massive hat. Quite annoying for getting into lifts thought, tbh.
In summary? Gaga’s given us some strong life lessons in this video and we hope to put them to use in the future (i.e. get and wear a massive hat). As a video, it’s definitely an improvement on ‘Judas’, but could it maybe have been snipped a bit to make it shorter?