My Musical New Year’s Resolutions

I’m normally never one for resolutions, as personally, they always seem to be vicious circles. 2011 was supposed to be my culinary debut; I had dreams about applying for MasterChef – then soon realised that my initial resolution should have been ‘learn how to cook’.

However in 2012 I’m going to stick to the, hopefully, more achievable goal of keeping to my musical resolutions.

Buy more CDs
As 2012 brings us closer to the possibility of hover cars and teleportation, my ever-growing fear is that ‘kidnapster’, made famous by Futurama, will actually become a reality. This alongside the chance that, due to the inevitable decline of physical music sales – it’s not looking good for HMV – sponsor-a-puppy adverts could soon be replaced by the less adorable idea of sponsoring a record store. Remember they’re for life not just for Christmas.

Avoid anything with the suffix ‘step’
2012 is looking to be more dubbed than a pirated copy of Shanghai Knights; that’s why I’m avoiding anything with ‘step’ at the end of a genre. Similarly genres with the prefix ‘post’. So that rules out any post-hardcore-trance-dubstep next year. Shame.

Learn how to play a new instrument
I have dabbled with many an instrument and frustratingly still can’t play the jazz flute as well as Ron Burgundy; so this year I will be teaching myself the ukulele. My fringe-spiration: the sickly sweet rendition of Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt playing ‘What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?’. Bring on endless amounts of playing ‘5 Years Time’…sorry neighbours.

Find and market ‘the next big thing’
If YouTube fame doesn’t work out for me and my ukulele, then I intend to find the next supergroup. Julian Casablancas on vocals, the lyrics of Benjamin Gibbard, Malkmus’ guitar hooks, Stevie Nicks on tambourine and Jarvis Cocker on the maracas. If this is your band, please get in touch; we’ll split the profits 90:10.

Stop bonding with friend’s parents over Fleetwood Mac
Unsurprisingly, 2011 saw me having an attack of the Mac which, on a cool level, was up there with having an asthma attack. Additionally, it only left me with the option of turning to Radio 2 listeners for support. Sure I could get away with this in 2011, but I’m pretty sure I’m a fine line away from talking about Genesis enthusiastically, and quite frankly that’s where I draw the line.