Noel Fielding’s Guide To Modern Life – Juice Diets, Tinder Avoidance, And Why You Should Hide Your Mate’s iPhone

The Mighty Boosh and Luxury Comedy man is famous for his off-kilter way of seeing the world. Before setting off on his nationwide tour next week, he gives us his advice on surviving the relentless pace of day-to-day-living…

Maintaining a social media presence

“I’m on Twitter and Instagram but I don’t really like it. Me and Julian [Barratt from The Mighty Boosh] are from a different generation, where it’s embarrassing to promote yourself. If you walk into a shop and go, ‘Hey, who likes my trousers?’ most people will go, ‘Mate, you’re a dick’. So why say it on Twitter?”


The housing crisis

“It’s too expensive. If you live in London, you should be allowed to put up a hammock on Hampstead Heath and sleep there. That’s what I do. In 30 years, you’ll pay £10m to buy one small shelf in a cupboard. Like vinyl, housing will become obsolete. We’ll all be filed by Apple. People will say, ‘Download Noel and get him to the party.’”

Navigating the world of online dating

“To me, it was your mate asking them out for you while you hid behind an ice-cream van. I’ve got friends who are real Tinder heads, but that scares the hell out of me. It’s a million-to-one shot. We’re dating without any of the illumination process. You’re just a picture.”

Maintaining a healthy diet


“I once went on an all-juice diet. It makes you feel light-headed as your body gets rid of caffeine and sugar, and you start feeling good. Then it becomes weirdly addictive. You have loads of energy, your eyes go really shiny and you start looking amazing. Then you have some humus and a bit of red pepper and you can’t believe how amazing it is, because you’ve deprived your body of food. It’s good to jolt yourself out of the comfort zone.”

Keeping up with technology

“It’s weird having a computer with you all the time. It means you don’t have to engage with real life. It’s good if you’re on your own, but when you’re out you do spend a lot of time just looking at the tops of people’s heads. The best game in the world is to quietly hide someone’s iPhone and watch the fucking panic. People freak out. I don’t think you’d have that reaction if a member of your family died.”

Coping with a reduced attention span

“People were tweeting about the last series of Luxury Comedy within the first two minutes. I thought, ‘You’ve not even watched five minutes and you’re already on your phone. How closely can you be watching?’ TV shows are all reality now. Apart from the frame around the television, it looks like actual life. We need more sock puppets. A soap opera with sock puppets, that’s what I’m going to do next.”

Keeping up with your friends

“You need a handful of best friends who will stay with you for life. Then you’ve got a secondary group. Then you’ve got people you know when you’re drunk. Being on the telly is like having Alzheimer’s. So many people come up and go, ‘Hey!’ You go, ‘Oh God, I can’t remember who this is.’ Then they go, ‘You don’t know me, I’ve just seen your show.’ And you go, ‘Thanks a lot. I’ve just spent half-an-hour trying to work out who the f**k you are.’”


General Election 2019: Conservatives declared winners after disastrous night for Labour

Jeremy Corbyn and Jo Swinson will both stand down as party leaders.

Edward Norton: “If you take your work seriously, it’s all-consuming”

The 'Fight Club' star on working with Thom Yorke, new film 'Motherless Brooklyn' and building a Hollywood legacy