The singer songwriter and famously stroppy diva takes the test
You used to work at Super Lovers clothing store in Covent Garden, London. What sort of shop is there now?
“I once sold Geri Halliwell a jumper there. That was my highlight. I used to busk in a string quartet called Maison Crimineaux, that’s the only thing I remember about Covent Garden back then. I expect it’s a Costa Coffee or something horrible now.”
Wrong. Terra Plana, a shoe shop
What did you tell NME in April 2007 that you would be doing in November that year?
“Oh Lord, 2007 was the year of ‘The Magic Position’ so I guess I said I’d be winning Grammys.”
Wrong. You said you were going to retire
“I never said I was going to retire. People go on and on about this. You can’t retire from music. You can retire from talking about music or doing shows. I think I was really drunk and said something like I never wanted to do any interviews ever again. But here I am talking to you.”
Name the choice of ride on the merry-go-round on the front cover of ‘The Magic Position’?
“There was a bambi, a giraffe, a car, and a duck with really big eyes.”
Which Patrick Wolf item of ‘fashion’ did you lose at the Underage Festival in 2009?
“My vulture cape. It cost £2,000, that cape. It must have been stolen by a young, wannabe tranny because it came with a pair of size 11 high heels.”
Correct. Did you ever get it back?
“I claimed the insurance and I had a new one made, but it’s not as good as the first one. I’ll do swapsies with anyone who has it.”
Name three “sample experiment recording session” locations credited in the sleeve notes to ‘Lycanthropy’.
“The National Portrait Gallery. The Church Of Saint-Eustache in Paris. And… ‘Lycanthropy’ seems like such a
long time ago… Trafalgar Square.”
Correct. Also Wandsworth Roundabout, Cimetière De Montmartre, St Martins, Primrose Hill and St Ives Bay
Your single ‘Tristan’ is based on the Cornish legend of Tristram of Lyonesse. Name the three people embroiled in a love triangle in the original story?
“It was more about being extremely depressed and self-destructive, that song. There’s a ship and a thunderstorm and there’s murder and there’s death… but I can’t remember the rest.”
Wrong. Tristam, King Mark, Iseult
You once lived next to Baroness and ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. Name all the Prime Ministers since?
“That’s going to be really hard. I don’t do politics. John Major, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and David Cameron.”
“Oh my god, that is really weird. On one side was Marc Almond and the other was Margaret Thatcher. I bankrupted myself in a year when I lived there, so they were traumatic days.”
Match the ridiculous trouser to the year you chose to wear them to the NME Awards: tight leather; furry yeti shorts; crushed red velvet.
“Well… there were the furry emu pants, which was 2008. The leather trousers went with the vulture outfit in 2009 to complete the tie-you-up-and-whip-you look. I didn’t go in 2010 – I was too busy doing my hair! And this year was the sophisticated red look.”
Can you name four of your songs that have birds in the title?
“‘Pigeon Song’, ‘Magpie’, ‘Vulture’ and… ‘The Falcons’.”
Name the three sexy ladies who appeared on the same episode of The Charlotte Church Show as you in March 2007?
“I remember sitting on the sofa with Lorraine Kelly and being very confused at Avril Lavigne. Lorraine was complimenting me on my manners and said she wanted to adopt me.”
Half a point. There was also Carmen Electra
Total Score: 6.5/10
“That’s rubbish! Where did I fail? Why would I go back to the place I used to work when I was 16?”
The Brain Cells Hall Of Shame – who’s scored what in the quiz so far:
1. Tommy Lee, Motley Crue (2)
2. John Lydon (2.5)
3. Skream, Magnetic Man (3)
4. Tricky (3.5)
5. Jenny Lee Lindberg, Warpaint (4)
6. Jim Goodwin, Doves (4)
7. Aled Jones (4)
8. Tim Burgess, The Charlatans (4)
9. Theo Hutchcraft, Hurts (4)
10. Iggy Pop (4)
11. Nikki Sixx, Motley Crue (4.5)
12. Mick Jones
13. Meat Loaf (5)
14. Ray Davies (5)
15. Miles Kane (5)
16. Frank Turner (5)
17. Stuart Braithwaite, Mogwai (5.5)
18. The Coral (5.5)
19. Adam Ant (6)
20. Mani (6)
21. John Lydon (6)
22. Scott Weiland, Stone Temple Pilots (6)
23. Gene Simmons, Kiss (6)
24. Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park (6)
25. Murph, the Wombats (6)
26. Gary Numan (6)
27. Raekwon, Wu Tang Clan (6)
28. Tjinder Singh, Cornershop (6)
29. David Johansen, New York Dolls (6)
30. J Mascis, Dinosaur Jr (6)
31. Carl Barat (6.5)
32. Kelly Jones, Stereophonics (6.5)
33. Eugene Kelly, The Vaselines (6.5)
34. Tom DeLonge, Blink 182 (6.5)
35. Goldie (7)
36. Debbie Harry (7)
37. Billy Bragg (7)
38. Liam Fray, The Courteeners (7)
39. Damon Gough, badly drawn boy (7)
40. Rolf Harris (7)
41. Vince Neil, motley Crue (7)
42. Tim Wheeler (7)
43. Johnny Marr (7)
44. Dave Navarro (7)
45. Ray Manzarek, The Doors (7.5)
46. Jon Spencer (7.5)
47. Gerry Casale, Devo (7.5)
48. Michael Evis (8)
49. Orbital (8)
50. Serge Pizzorno, Kasabian (8)
51. Kyle Falconer, The View (8)
52. Stuart Murdoch, Belle & Sebastian (9)
53. Brett Anderson, Suede (9)
54. Alice Cooper (9)
55. Alex James (9)