It was a secret amongst muggles until yesterday, but an important part of the Grammy Awards’ ceremony is the sorting of the non-muggle winners into Hogwarts houses. For, as the famous wizard saying goes, “If you never receive your School of Witchcraft & Wizardry acceptance letter, you need either a Grammy or a Strictly Come Dancing Glitter Ball trophy to study as a mature student”. Unfortunately, Pharrell went and fucked things up by forgetting to take the sorting hat off his head before stepping out into the public eye, so now we all know. Here’s the hat’s take on 2014’s award winners….
“Popular… Driven… Talented… A desire to create! You are, of course – GRYFFINDOR!”
“There’s talent… oh goodness, yes… and a thirst to prove yourself – SLYTHERIN!”
“You win four awards.. You apologise for winning… And people still think you’re a bit lame? RAVENCLAW!”
“Well you’re a clever one and successful too… What, you once posed as sexy Medusa for a lads’ mag? Hello – SLYTHERIN!”
“An icon! A legend! Greatness! Good morals! A family man! You are GRYFFINDOR through and through!”
“Sorry.. This is a bit awkward… I don’t really know how to break this to you nicely… Ah, crap! I’m just going for it… HUFFLEPUFF! XOXO BABEZ.”
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