Pull the Cord- Artists Who Need To Disconnect From The Internet

Sinead O’Connor has discovered the internet. And how. While the singer formerly vented through columns for Irish newspapers, she’s since taken to her blog – and twitter also- to get a load off her chest. Her cause is admirable; she’s not getting laid enough, and wants to audition candidiates.

Sinead O'Connor

Her list of requirements was pretty straightforward:

-Am in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man.
-He must be no younger than 44.
-Must be living in Ireland but I don’t care if he is from the planet Zog.
-Must not be named Brian or Nigel.
-Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous.
-Has to be employed. Am not fussy in what capacity generally but vehicle clampers need not apply.
-Leather trouser-wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.
-I like me a hairy man so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.
-No hair gel.
-No hair dryer use.
-No hair dye
-Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.
-No aftershave.
-Must be very ‘snuggly’. Not just wham-bam.
-Must be wham-bam.
-Has to like his mother.
-Has to like his ex and or mother/s of his children.
-Has to live in own place.

While we’re not saying that Sinead shouldn’t have a handsome man (or lady) to fulfill her needs, we’re not sure she needed to keep everybody in the loop. In dedicating her online presence to her search for a shag, she’s fallen in with a crowd of musicians who should probably have had their modems disconnected. Such as…

Lil B

The Based God sees the internet as his plaything. After coming to prominence via a Youtube scatterbomb, Lil B is everwhere that the internet is. There’s probably even a 4chan forum for him at this stage. The man’s got 100 Myspace pages! As of July 2010, he had recorded 1,500 tracks- all available online. The figure’s probably closer to 100,000 now. Somebody stop him before he finds out how to host his own server.


It’s been over a year since Kanye went HAM on the internet. But back in the heady days of cherub rugs, it was swag this, and bling that. It was pretty amazing, Since then, Kanye’s just joined the ranks of ‘general famous person on twitter’- except sometimes his inner douche resurfaces spectacularly- not least when he spends the day retweeting fans…who have tweeted his lyrics.

Jessie J

Oh Jessie J. You are so earnest. You have so many opinions. So many earnest, earnest opinions. And none of them are any fun. Recently, Jessie played a private university gig and was SHOCKED that some of the punters were drunk. Po-facedly she registered her dismay. The earnestness didn’t stop there, though. The next day, she continued on, explaining that she wasn’t cross. Just disappointed. Or something along those lines. Jessie J: the Helen Lovejoy of pop.

Lily Allen

Lily is as sulky as Jessie J is earnest. Although she might sometimes showcase her wit, or give an insight into her day-to-day life, she’s generally sniping. She spent most of her Myspace blog days picking fights (and occasionally recording songs about them). Since her move to Twitter, she’s been able to single out for direct contact those that have displeased her, and there are plenty of them. Coupled with her fondness for trolling, it’s a disaster.


Not only does she insist on reliving Geocities through her Myspace page (the background is a .gif of scrolling status bars!), M.I.A uses the internet in the worst possible way. As an artist whose political stance is as relevant as the music she makes, M.I.A. has relentlessly pissed away any goodwill that she may have gained. Mis-informed tweets, poor spelling, and demented (perhaps intentional) trolling lead to her being persona non grata during the London riots.

Any others? Let’s hear them.