It’s the war that threatens to wipe out musicians the world over. Lady Gaga this week became the latest casualty in a rabid conflict between musicians and animals that rages on, after the singer was reportedly bitten by a slow loris while filming a new music video. While a NATO task force scramble to understand whether this was a one-off revenge attack on the singer for once wearing a dress made entirely of the loris’s slaughtered porcine cousins or just another example of interspecies fighting that dates all the way back to Ozzy Osbourne biting the head off a bat in 1982, let’s take a peek at other chapters in animals’ brutal battle against rockstar kind.
Kings of Leon ambushed by a flock of shitting pigeons
Kings of Leon were made to bail on a July 2010 show in St Louis, Missouri after a pigeon – and I quote – “shit in [bassist] Jared’s mouth.” Drummer Nathan Followill explained on Twitter afterwards: “it was too unsanitary to continue… You may enjoy being shit on but we don’t.” An infestation of birds in the rafters of the Verizon Amphitheatre saw the band bombarded as soon as they took to the stage.
Ostrich almost kills Johnny Cash
“I was almost killed by an ostrich,” wrote Johnny Cash in his 1997 autobiography, explaining a run in with the animal, who tried to gore him with its toe, in his own animal park near his home. “I got off lightly. All he did was break my two lower ribs and rip my stomach open down to my belt. If the belt hadn’t been good and strong, with a solid belt buckle, he’d have spilled my guts exactly the way he meant to. As it was, he knocked me over onto my back and I broke three more ribs on a rock.” Ouch.
Grasshoppers swarm Paul McCartney
The Beatles legend was on stage at Goiania’s Serra Dourada Stadium in Brazil in 2013 when a swarm of Esperanca Grilo grasshoppers flew in his direction. One remained on his shoulder for the majority of the three hour show, according to eyewitnesses. Reports the insects wanted retribution for animals offended by the Frog Chorus remain unconfirmed.
Dappy kicked in the face by a horse
The N-Dubz man was famously hospitalised last year after being hoofed in the head by an equine assailant on the grounds of his Hertfordshire home. A petition later called for the horse responsible to be given the ‘Outstanding Contribution to Music’ gong at this week’s Brit Awards. No arguments here.
Bloc Party guitarist mauled by lion cub
Russell Lissack ended up in hospital in October 2010 while on tour with Ash in South Africa, after a lion attacked him. The guitarist was visiting a wild animal sanctuary with Ash frontman Tim Wheeler when the animal bit him, drawing blood, after he tried to pose for pictures with it. Lesson learnt: DON’T TRY TO POSE FOR PICTURES WITH A LION, RUSS.