Reverend And The Makers’ Premier League Preview

Earlier this week, Reverend And The Makers announced details of their new album ‘Mirrors’, which is set for release on October 9 – an LP which, according to Noel Gallagher, is so good it made him “shit in my smoking jacket”. In addition to working on new music, frontman Jon McClure is also a huge football fan – and with the new season underway tomorrow, he’s given us a special preview of the action to come…

“I think Arsenal actually might win the title. Whisper it, but they’ve signed Petr Cech, and I think the big man could make all the difference. I do have a slight umbrage with him, though: he had some press photos taken in the new Arsenal kit and he’s wearing that head guard. Come on, dude. No-one’s gonna bang you on the head while you’re doing a photo shoot. Fair enough if he’s wearing it on the pitch, but it’s like he goes to sleep in it or something.

“Crucially, for Chelsea, I think Diego Costa’s going to be injury prone, and I think Falcao was a terrible signing, too, because he’s also crocked. And Terry, as good as he is, is getting on a bit, isn’t he? He’s about 107. For Man United, I think the signings they’ve made in midfield are great [Bastian Schweinsteiger and Morgan Schneiderlin], but they’re going to struggle up front; they’ve only got Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez. Rooney’s obviously great, but he can’t play every game (with Rooney, I also always think about that great Liam Gallagher quote, when he said that he looks like a balloon with a Weetabix squashed on his head). I feel like they need to sign another striker; they could have done with a Christian Benteke or an Edinson Cavani.

“I think Watford will go down, unfortunately. I’d like to them to stay up, because I like that lad Troy Denney – I think he’s great – but this year it could be the three promoted teams who go down: Watford, Norwich and Bournemouth. I also think West Ham might struggle as well; they shouldn’t have got rid of Big Sam. And I can see Newcastle struggling, too, because Steve McClaren, the old umbrella fella, I don’t think he’s a very good appointment. He’s 100% first for the sack: he’ll stand there with his umbrella, looking forlorn and shit, and he’ll be the first to go.

“To be honest, I’m fair more excited about Sheffield Wednesday. The man who owns John West tuna has bought us, so we’re rich in Omega 3. I feel like me and Wednesday are coming back at the same time: we’ve had our crap years, but we’re about to re-emerge a little bit. We’re in sync. Me and my brother have got our season tickets, so we’re very excited about Saturday. Actually, this is a weird thing for me, akin to being caught wearing your wife’s knickers: Sheffield Utd have asked me if they can walk out on the first day of the season to my new tune ‘Black Widow’. I said yeah, but I was slightly conflicted, because I’m a Wednesdayite. I always make a point of not slagging Sheffield United off, though, because if I started getting massively partisan about the rivalry, I’d probably offend a large swathe of Sheffield. And derbies are great.

“I love football, but I’m not going to go into a deep depression and a dark evening of the soul if Wednesday lose at fucking Brentford. Chill out. But the best thing about being a fan is… we do this thing at Wed – which Derby have pinched off us by the way – where the whole stadium bounces together, and you look across and there’s young kids and old nans and everybody’s bouncing. It’s one of the things that just brings people together, and it’s fantastic; you look across and there’s granny’s and grown men and kids. It’s wonderful. The worst thing: you tell people you’re into football and if they’re not, they automatically make an assumption that you’re a meathead. And I’m like come on man, Stephen Fry supports Norwich, he’s not a meathead. You’re allowed to like football and not be a thug. It’s very much stuck in the 1980s. It’s so divorced from who I am: I’ll go home and eat hummus after a football match, I’m not in the boozer smashing glasses off other people’s heads.”