RIP Jedward, 2009 – 2009


As pop phenomena go, Jedward has to be one of the most short-lived, far-reaching and utterly ridiculous. Like a fly trapped in the ointment of ‘The X Factor’, it was always going to be brief but messy.

John and Edward couldn’t sing to save their lives. They definitely couldn’t dance. And they weren’t even particularly likeable – showing their true colours early on in the audition stages of the competition, they were snipey, arrogant and hungry for overnight fame with all of its hollow trappings. Asked where they saw themselves some years in the future by the judges, one of the twins (God knows which) replied “older” with a petulant wisecrack that saw the judges’ faces drop with annoyance.

And yet they were addictive. And one of the most enjoyable and unavoidable water-cooler topics in ages. The reality is this: they would be brilliant as the new Chuckle Brothers.

Chuckle Brothers

They’ve got it all – a natural (and admittedly unintentional) flair for making people laugh, they look the part (the original Chuckle Brothers, you’ll remember, also engineered their own daft image, consisting of spiky hair and moustaches) and… they’re actually brothers. I rest my case. Plus there’s no singing or dancing involved, just lots of slapstick capers with ladders, panes of glass and the occasional bucket-on-head. Kids would love it. Jedward action figures could recite in unison, “To me, to you, to me, to you.”

Perhaps I’m being cruel. Actually, scrap that – I’m proposing a way for them to win the cash and fame they so hungrily crave. How the hell else are they going to pay for all that hair gel and avoid supermarket-opening purgatory?

They can’t seriously be pop stars, a joke can only wear so thin. Plus, Milli Vanilli put a firm blocker on that avenue when they were exposed as the original talentless lookalikes and banished to appearing in ‘The 100 Worst Moments In Pop’ TV clip shows forever more.

As Dannii Minogue pointed out on Sunday’s ‘X Factor’, pop is actually about being able to sing. Or – in the case of JLS/Boyzone/Spice Girls – at least being in a group with someone who can sing.

If they don’t resurface on some bizarre kids’ TV show then Jedward’s legacy will be providing us with some seriously entertaining Saturday night moments. Their ‘Ghostbusters’ performance was jaw-droppingly incredible. The Queen-Vanilla Ice ‘jedley’ was magnificently shit. Their dancing was really, REALLY funny.

If ever you were on Twitter during ‘X Factor’ you’ll have found music bloggers Popjustice and Pinglewood plus half of the UK music industry and most of the nation at home on their sofas, glued to screens and proferring devastating observations on the pair in 140 characters or less. It was a uniquely unifying experience once you tapped into it and let yourself enjoy it.

Whether this is the end of Jedward or they resurface in some money-spinning form for Simon Cowell, who knows. And whether they’re the spawn of the devil or just a pair of kids who somehow ended up way out of their depth on one of the biggest TV talent shows of all time, who’s to say?

One thing’s for sure – this was AMAZING…