Samsung NME Radar Tour – The Chapman Family Check In

The Chapman Family onstage at Nottingham

So we arrived in Nottingham and realized that it’s shit-lined streets are very similar to the groggy, smog-stained shop fronts and dilapidated housing we’re used to back home. Very soviet oppressive chic. Our tiny little van rolled up to the venue and stole a parking space off a man in a rather nice bin liner black Lamborghini, anarchy in the UK indeed. Sometimes I’m astounded at how punk rock we really are…

Our van looked like a rather shit blue midget nestled between the mammoth tiger tours buses of our radar comrades, it’s partially rusted blue face glinting embarrassed in the beautiful spring sunshine. We loaded in our crap and battered assortment of instruments and equipment and took a leisurely stroll around the venue.

I should really take this time to describe the set we played and how it was received but I think this opportunity would be wasted with such things when there are meatballs to discuss. Yes friends, delicious balls of meat are the order of the day for this here blog. When we arrived we were shown to our dressing room and in it was a variety of food and drink items and three metal containers filled with rice, meatballs and vegetarian chilli type stuff, the meatballs were quite simply astonishing.

I could literally eat them every meal for the rest of my life and not get sick of them. I think I ate about 20 of them, I’m salivating like a warm dog just recollecting their flavor for the purposes of this journalistic entry. They were incredible. I suggest to anyone living in the Nottingham area that you head immediately over to the Rescue Rooms and demand a steaming hot bowl of meaty, bally love. DO IT NOW!

Today we’re on a boat in Bristol. I’m sat at the bar on das boot right now in fact after re-attaching the door on to our wounded and weary tour conveyance. Yes, the door did indeed fall off our van. I was opening it to get some stuff out when it fell onto me like a middle aged lusty housewife. After man handling it back on with my weak, effeminate strength I managed to re-attach it like a lost appendage with the use of my incredible muscles which I now believe could lift fifteen obese Americans in a Mini and bench press them at least 20 times. I am He-Man.

Coming soon… an incredible video of my first comedy stand up routine… watch this space.