Samsung NME Radar Tour – The Chapman Family Get Fast And Furious

Today we were road warriors. I may not be writing this nonsense in the most rock and roll of scenarios and locations but believe me, usually I live, breathe, eat and shit full on noisy indie rock and roll. I might be sat backstage in Wrexham drinking bottled water and watching the world snooker championships with the boys from Magistrates on their laptop but seriously, this is strictly a one off. By the end of tonight I’ll no doubt be in a pool of my own vomit with my trousers round my ankles surrounded by bemused onlookers. Again.

Today we played a dangerous game of cat and mouse with a fellow street demon who from now on will be known as Nitro, as that’s what it said on the back of his helmet. For 20 relatively sedate miles along the welsh border we recreated ‘Fast And Furious’ pretty much shot for shot, scene for scene… apart from the fact we have a knackered Volkswagen with a broken door and he had a crappy little moped with L-plates.

Our nemesis was a pretty big guy, not necessarily built for a tiny moped, with a wicked pair of thighs and a rather large builders arse that was magnificently exposed as he ziggad and zagged past us at a mighty 39mph. I hope we made as much of an impression on him as he did on us. Perhaps one day our paths will cross again and we’ll burn rubber in a high velocity duel one more time.

As we crossed the border into Wales in the space of five minutes we had passed a coal mining museum and Tom Jones came on the radio singing ‘Green Green Grass Of Home’. It couldn’t have got any more welsh unless Cerys Matthews or fucking X Factor first place loser Rhydian had stood at the border in a rugby top singing the theme tune to the famous welsh soap opera ‘Pobol Y Cwm’ while throwing leeks at me.

Last night we played on a boat in Bristol, things got a bit messy and we got told off in our hotel room for singing Heartbreak songs at the top of our voice. Pop seems to have developed a bit of a man-crush on them you see, he even drew on a mascara moustache in celebration of his love for them. Bless him. Right, time for soundcheck, hello Wales. Best not throw in that Rhydian cover just yet.