WAIT! Don’t read this blog unless you’re up to date with the five series of Game of Thrones. Spoilers, like Varys’ little birds, are around every corner.
Sure you want to read on? OK then…
The fifth series of Game Of Thrones closed with what’s left of the Night’s Watch taking it in turns to turn Jon Snow into a colander. “For the Watch,” they each said, not realising they were killing the only brother who actually knows what time it is, the only one with a clue of what horror lies over the wall.
Ever since that brutal stabbing, there’s been talk of Ned Stark’s bastard not staying dead for very long. As far as the story goes, how can the show continue without its most uncomplicated hero? It’s most likely the Red Priestess Melisandre, her of the haunted vagina, will bring him back to life, fulfilling the Azor Ahai prophecy. She needs a new puppet to manipulate now Stannis has gone the way of so many others in GoT, and Jon fits the bill perfectly.
Away from the show, Kit Harington made no bones about wanting to chop off the long hair he had to grow to play Snow. So why, then, was he spotted at Wimbledon last year after filming had wrapped, with long hair? And why is he in Belfast, not far from the GoT set, so often? And why is he on the posters for series six?
He’s coming back, OK. Either he’s going to be Azor Ahai, denounce the Night’s Watch and get stuck into uniting Westeros’ seven kingdoms against one common enemy, OR, he’ll be resurrected, but by the White Walkers, becoming some kind of Mega Wight. Jon Snow a baddie. Now there’s a twist.
Let’s just hope it’s dealt with very quickly inside the first half hour of the sixth series when it starts in April. We need to move on.
Here are seven more hopes we have for the main players in Game of Thrones when it returns.
Whatever happened to Arya Stark? Once upon a time, when she was standing up to then-Prince Joffrey, or roaming the countryside with The Hound, or sticking Needle where it needed to be stuck, she was the show’s best character. Series five, however, saw her on a quest to Bravos to become a faceless assassin. Quite how a quest to a faraway land to become a deadly killer became so boring is anyone’s guess, but there’s been enough of Maisie Williams mopping floors to last a lifetime. Getting revenge on Meryn Trant offered brief, bloody respite, but she finished the fifth series in trouble with the Many Faced God, her teacher Jaqen H’ghar and more seriously, blind. Here’s hoping series six deals with that swiftly, and Arya soon completes her assassin training, reunites with Needle and gets back to crossing more names off that list of hers.
While we want Sansa’s little sister’s storyline gets more exciting, Sansa’s could do with slowing down a bit in the sixth series. Some of the misery she was subjected to in series five was, at best, unnecessary, at worst, gratuitous to the point of voyeurism. Hopefully series six won’t begin with her and Reek/Theon being recaptured by Ramsay Snow, but with them enjoying some freedom having jumped from the Winterfell parapet, possibly taking in a country fayre or two and a pub lunch on their way to the Iron Islands, where they can lay low and get away from it all. More likely, she’ll become the determined woman Littlefinger thinks she can be and will start settling a few scores of her own, namely with Ramsay, Cersei and Red Wedding mastermind, Walder Frey.
It’s unlikely Cersei Lannister is going to become some shrinking violet after that horrific walk of shame at the end of the last series. More likely, she and FrankenMountain, the unholy lab creation of Qyburn, are going to get revenge on anyone who even heard about her ordeal, let alone inflicted it upon her. The High Sparrow and the Faith Militant should watch their step, as should Margaery Tyrell and her grandmother Olenna. Cersei has been imprisoned, embarrassed and has lost one son. She’s also yet to learn of daughter Myrcella’s death on the way back from Dorne, which will send her mood from apoplectic to full-on nuclear. She needs to get busy getting even, but so much vengeance, and just 10 episodes in which to carry it out. If I were Ellaria Sand, I’d be very worried.
The longer the show goes on, the more Tyrion emerges as the hero. He may be a complicated alcoholic, but he’s not greedy. He made his way to the fighting pits of Mereen by the end of series five, where he saw a dragon and pledged to help run the city in Daenerys’ absence. Series six, should find him enjoying that role, and plotting Daenerys’ ascension to the Iron Throne with Varys, while doling out the best one-liners in the show. Business as usual for him, please.
With an injured dragon by her side and the other two who-knows-where by now, Daenerys has left revolt and chaos back in Slaver’s Bay, to land back among the Dothraki during the closing moments of the last series. How pleased will they be to see their former Khaleesi? It’s just a hunch, but not very would be my guess. The likelihood is she’ll spend a great deal of time trying to get the clans to fight for her, bolstering her already pretty handy army of freed people. With the horselords at her side, grown dragons and remainder of the Unsullied, could she finally be ready to make an assault on King’s Landing?
Prior to shooting series six, casting calls were put out looking for young versions of several now-deceased characters, including Ned Stark. A 13-year-old was reportedly cast, but there may have been others too, with other hints doing the rounds that we might see a Tower of Joy flashback. It’s a story told in the books, pivotal to Jon Snow’s parentage, which sees Ned Stark fighting his way to his captive sister Lyanna, who whispers a never-to-be-repeated phrase in the ear of her valiant brother.
The buddy-buddy road movie is something GoT has done well in the past. We’ve had The Hound and Arya, Jaime and Brienne, and to a lesser extent, Brienne and Podrick. Most recently, Jaime and Bronn on their way to Dorne provided some of series five’s best scenes. The trailer for series six sees Jaime, now something a white knight after starting off as something of a showboating dickhead, riding to King’s Landing with the Tyrell army in tow. Let’s hope Bronn is just out of shot. Also, let’s have the return of Gendry, who mysteriously went missing after promising so much, and kindly move along Bran Stark’s storyline. His absence from series five was a blessing, but he and that nonsensical three-eyed-raven, plus the Children of the Forest, will have to make a return at some point. Just make it interesting, please?